La Vida Veeta

So who else hates Timothée Chalamet? First of all, he’s not that hot. Like at all. Sorry- I think the middle part hairdo is doofy and goofy and makes him look 12. Secondly, I feel like he is a v mid actor (like I just watched a bit of Marty Supreme with my parents and we had to end it bc he (and the movie) were both so fucking insufferable and like I know that’s the point of his character in the movie and it’s supposed to be pointing out how absurd he is but also I get the feeling that’s probs just Timboy in real life too?? Like it kinda felt like life imitating art?? And him in Dune is literally just two hours of him staring dopily at the camera saying random dramatic lines??). Third he’s with shapeshifting reptilian Kylie Jenner which makes him a reptile by association. If you’re gonna be a reptile just live your truth and be open about it. Don’t get me wrong- I love reptiles! I support your cold-blooded journey TMan. But like, just do it better. Do it with your whole chest. Stand ten scaly reptile toes down. C’mon. Anyways, hate is a strong word but I just find him to be so painfully bland and it’s wild to me how many ppl have such boners for him when like, Michael B. Jordan and Pedro Pascal are RIGHT THERE?? I guess it’s kinda like how ppl like Morgan Wallen or Jelly Roll or whatever other washed up soggy, mediocre pieces of white bread are popular at the moment. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

ANYWAAAAYYYYYS hi everybody! How are we all doing? Did you enjoy today’s completely unimportant, un-asked for rant to start off the post? Here I’ll answer for you: yes, yes you did. Because Morgan Wallen can choke. But we’re not here to talk about racist trash. We’re here to talk about SUMMER. And the gorginaaa Sierra Nevada. And RENO! (A perennial fave topic of discussion here on the blog). And LAKE MOTHAFRENCHIN’ TAHOE which I somehow haven’t ever brought up yet on here?? Well hold onto your bloomers and strap on your garters cause we’re talking about it now henny.

Tahoe. Truly a wonder of the world. The gorgeous sapphire of the Sierra (I just came up with that shit off the dome- doesn’t it sound good?? Sponsor me Lake Tahoe tourism board. Plz.) A preposterously deep, perplexingly clear, permanently cold, high altitude, alpine sea full of myths, cryptids, and (maybe) mafia casualties?? Mark Twain said it best:

“…the Lake burst upon us—a noble sheet of blue water lifted six thousand three hundred feet above the level of the sea and walled in by a rim of snow-clad mountain peaks that towered aloft full three thousand feet higher still!”

“As it lay there with the shadows of the mountains brilliantly photographed upon its still surface, I thought it must surely be the fairest picture the whole earth affords.”

“The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine. Bracing and delicious. And why shouldn’t it be? It is the same the angels breathe.”

Of course, Twain also said:

“I hope some bird will catch this Grub the next time he calls Lake Bigler by so disgustingly sick and silly a name as “Lake Tahoe…” Of course, Indian names are more fitting than any others for our beautiful lakes and rivers, which knew their race ages ago, perhaps, in the morning of creation, but let us have none so repulsive to the ear as “Tahoe” for the beautiful relic of fairy-land forgotten and left asleep in the snowy Sierras when the little elves fled from their ancient haunts and quitted the earth. “Tahoe” – it sounds as weak as soup for a sick infant. “Tahoe” be – forgotten!”

So….Twain might be a bit of a dumb bitch. Can you believe Tahoe at one point was called LAKE BIGLER? Like eww that makes me wanna vom.com all over my laptop. Bigler?? That sounds like some obnoxious, pretentious, crusty ass Ivy League economist who only reads the Wall Street Journal at his luxuriously appointed English manor while drinking earl grey tea in the morning and chuckling haughtily about the condition of the ‘poors’. Bigler???? That sounds like some inbred, corn fed, small town police chief from Toad Suck, Arkansas (real place, by the way) who doesn’t believe in habeas corpus (nor can he spell it or even sound it out). Bigler sounds like the last name of a Vanderpump Rules reject who believes in 2026 it’s still not too late to start a podcast. Bigler sounds like the name of some appalling and extremely dangerous and unhygienic sex act outlawed in 49 states, 5 US territories, and 190 countries (Arkansas is the one state where it’s still legal. Because of course it is). Ok one last one- Bigler sounds like it’d be Lindsey Graham’s Grindr alias. Because it’s always the ones who put big in their name who are anything but. Like what kinda 1860’s meth was Twain smoking that he thought BIGLER sounded better than Tahoe? Anyways, I digress.

Besides being so wrong about the name, Twain is spot on when it comes to Tahoe’s beauty. Perched high up in the central Sierra Nevada mountains, the lake is ringed by steep granite mountains on all sides. On its northern and eastern shores, the mountains plunge almost directly into the clear, turquoise, snowfed waters. The shoreline in these areas is steep, indented, and covered with large granite boulders interspersed with manzanita and fragrant incense cedar, sugar pine and Jeffrey pine groves. The western shore rises more gradually from the water, featuring dense forests, meadows, small towns and long beaches. In the southwestern corner of the lake lies Emerald Bay, an incredibly picturesque, glacier-carved tiny lil’ blip on the shoreline surrounded by steep mountains. Smack dab in the middle of the bay is a small island with the ruins of an old stone tea house called Vikingsholm. I’ve never been (and I know nothing about it) but I do know that there’s no way in hell this place ain’t haunted as fuck. Abandoned tea house?? Small island in the middle of the lake?? Vikingsholm?? There’s definitely ghosts. And Norwegian poltergeists. Probably a demon or two.

On the far south side of Tahoe lies the aptly named South Lake Tahoe, the epicenter of the lake’s trash. There you’ll find a wall of casinos clustered along the Nevada-California state line (bc of course), super popular ski resorts (like Heavenly) and flat, marshy land along the lakeshore. Ok maybe calling it trash was a bit harsh, but it’s def the most overly built out and tacky part of Tahoe so I have to hate on it just a liiiiiittle bit. Let’s be real- I can only get away with it because I am also overly built out and tacky so I’m well qualified to call it out in others. But all jokes aside: Tahoe is a goddamn 10/10. A true dimepiece. So even the nastiest, rankest, most gutterbutt corner of Tahoe is far more beautiful than the nicest parts of just about anywhere else. Especially you, ARKANSAS.

Some fun Tahoe facts:

• Tahoe’s greatest depth is 1,645 feet- the second deepest in North America (fuck you Crater Lake)(jkjk).
• Tahoe contains more water than any lake in North America outside of the Great Lakes.
• Tahoe was formed about 2 million years ago (aka about 5 years after Mitch McConnell was born).
• Tahoe is 22 miles long at its longest point, 12 miles wide at its widest, and has over 70 miles of shore. It’s so large you can see the curvature of the earth when looking at it.
• The lake’s only outlet is the Truckee River, which runs through steep canyons into Reno before ending in Pyramid Lake. Therefore, Lake Tahoe is part of a closed (or endorheic) water basin, meaning it does not connect to any ocean.
• The lake was made by tectonic activity along a major faultline and in the event of a large earthquake, the lake could generate tsunamis.
• The Tahoe basin accumulates extremely high snowfall totals in winter. In 1938, a record 68 feet of snow was recorded at Donner Pass (yes- that’s the same Donner Pass that the Donner Party encountered).
• Lake Tahoe’s waters are so cold that it can essentially pause decomposition of organic materials. In 2011 a scuba diver’s preserved body was found after going missing 17 years earlier.
• The lake is split right down the middle by California and Nevada. Like two dumb siblings, they’ve fought over their halves multiple times. The line has changed repeatedly since the 1850’s. There’s now currently a border marker in the middle of a golf course and allegedly the border goes right through an Applebee’s. Fucking Applebee’s.

Beyond all the fun facts, Tahoe to me is my past. It’s part of my identity. Every summer growing up we’d drive up the extremely steep, winding, terrifying Mount Rose Highway (my parents made me get some of my practice driving hours for my learner’s permit on this road and I’m still a lil scarred heeheehee ✨trauma✨) and set up shop at the beach. I’ve smoked a lot of weed, drank Mike’s Hard Lemonades (oh to be an undergrad again), read some truly atrocious paperback romance novels (out loud too hehe the people around us hated that) and made a helluva lot of memories at the beach at Tahoe. I’ve gotten countless sunburns, and scraped my feet jumping off rocks, and gone paddleboarding, and seen a ton of lil crawdads. I’ve watched sunsets, supermoons, and fireworks. I’ve been at Tahoe through powerful summer thunderstorms, brilliant sunshine, blizzards and thick wildfire smoke. I’ve spent laughter filled afternoons with friends, helped set up jazz concerts at Sand Harbor, got lost in the woods at night (no literally this happened once when I was in middle school and it was horrifying) and cruised its shores alone to heal heartbreak. I’m so grateful for this incomparable natural gem. Whether it’s the fragrant smell of pine and juniper on a hot summer day or the feeling of coarse granite boulders on my feet- coming back to Tahoe is coming home. Nowhere else on earth comes close to comparing to her. So honestly, all y’all other lakes should stop trying. It’s embarrassing.

Omg but I’ve spent all this time talking about Tahoe!! I haven’t even talked about me! Well, honestly nothing new here. My hair is really long now. My credit score is still double digit. But my mom is doing great! She got a new wig and looks absolutely GORGE in it (check the gallery below if you don’t believe me but also if you don’t then fuck you??? My mom has always been gorgeous so you can fuck right off with that energy.) The wig’s name is Tasha Minxxx and it is also now unofficially/officially my mom’s drag name (for when I inevitably put her in face again and her diva mode activates). Being back in Nevada for the summer has been nostalgic, and healing, and somewhat emotional. I also forgot how many lizards there are here?? Like truly these lil’ fuckers are everywhere! Nothing makes me happier than seeing their cute little scaly faces scampering over rocks warmed by the afternoon sun. I just wanna pinch their little cold blooded cheeks. I fucking love reptiles. Unless they’re named Timothée Chalamet.

Reno/Tahoe- Summer 2026