La Vida Veeta

Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf quivering with desire in the hallway. Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.

“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”

Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.

“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”

Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently. Hilda looked at him expectantly.

“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”

At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge. Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it. Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room. Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop. She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water.

“Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty. Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.

That, my friends, is a passage from the most incredible novel: Rough and Ready. I briefly mentioned it in my last post (recap: it’s a smut novel about a time travelling Viking/Navy Seal who goes back 1,000 years to kill a Norse tyrant who killed his family and gets laid along the way). Now you’re probably wondering ‘Now Matt- what does this waste of ink and paper have to do with Milwaukee, being a Gemini, or anything?’ Well Suzanne, it has EVERYTHING to do with those things. Let me explain:

This summer has been anything but typical. Between my mom’s battle against the fucking evil known as cancer, work, school, the inescapable annoying stupid bitch that is AI, the fabric of society continuing to crumble AND a super El Niño on the horizon? Ma’am, we are COOKED. But know what’s been helping my psyche weather these storms? Torolf and Hilda’s love for the ages. I mean, what else compares to “spongy love mountains” and “throbbing meat wand”?? Anyways, Sandra Hill is an American hero who deserves to be celebrated instead of any of this 250th anniversary bullshit we’re all having shoved down our throats. Like I’m sorry- what are we celebrating this year?? The collective push down the stairs into authoritarianism? Celebrating multiple centuries of the US destroying countless lives, cultures and countries in the name of “protecting national security” (i.e. making more goddamn money because we don’t already have enough)???? Are we celebrating the lingering ways that American government, business, and institutions continue to institute and enforce slavery through the private prison system? Or how about the construction of internment camps, deportation of folks to completely foreign and unsafe locations and random abductions off the street which, by the way, never stopped? Could it possibly be the fact that folks who were involved (directly or barely tangentially) to Anti-ICE protests just got sentenced to 30 years in prison?? Maybe it’s the fact that as taxpayers we bankrolled a fucking UFC FIGHT AT THE WHITE HOUSE??? WHAT EVEN IS HAPPENING ANYMORE. I honestly just wanna punch the air in anger. But instead I will continue to read Rough and Ready. And listen to The Dutchess by Fergie (aka like one of the best albums ever made?? Like seriously- some friends and I played it at a picnic the other week and holy shit I forgot just how hard this album hits. It engrained itself into my neurons at the right time (puberty) when my identity was forming- much like the first single-celled organisms out of the primordial soup of ancient seas on Earth. There’s Fergalicious, and Glamorous, and Clumsy, and London Bridge, and Big Girls Don’t Cry, and so many other bangers- how are we not all collectively obsessing over this album still?? I remember being a freshman in high school and listening to Clumsy like, on an endless loop. Fergie was played all the time on the radio, specifically on Wild 102.9 (eyyyy shoutout to my Reno peeps who will remember that station. Good times.) Anyways, that’s what inspired the playlist for this blog post today.) Oh, and I’ll continue to take photos of pretty things cause goddamnit it that might be the single thread of sane connective tissue tethering me to the day to day reality of this planet right now. Mother Earth never disappoints in her infinite beauty. And sometimes- every once in a blue moon- humans get it right too and make something truly spectacular. Like Rough and Ready. Or the Dutchess.

So you’re probably still wondering: ‘Ok so….what does Rough and Ready have to do with Milwaukee or being a Gemini?’ Well….I lied. It really has nothing to do with either of those things, I really just wanted to share its literary beauty with the ones I love. You should be grateful for the experience! But now I present to you all, a tale told in two parts: Milwaukee.

Winter and early spring in Milwaukee can be harsh. Although the days are starting to get longer, the bitter chill remains: accented by frigid winds blowing in from Lake Michigan. Although most of the snow from earlier in the winter has melted, a few resilient patches remain. An errant blizzard might blow through, covering whatever timid beginnings of new spring growth have sprouted with a fresh layer of pristine powder. The city’s waterways lie under a thick crust of ice, which buckles and ripples along the coastline, creating geometric cracks and crevices. Chunks of ice are shoved skyward as they ram against bridge pylons and marinas. Despite it all, the energy of life persists. Songbirds sing ballads to each other across the frozen air. Squirrels- bundled against the cold like babushkas- feverishly sprint from tree to tree collecting food and getting up to mischief with their friends. A few brave bulbs start to push out shoots through the bare earth and snow to meet the cold sunlight. In stark contrast to the brown earth, the vibrant purple flowers of crocuses and hyacinths are little neon signs saying: Stay Strong- Spring is Near. While nature may still mostly be sleeping within a cocoon of cold, humans (maybe foolishly?) keep on keeping on. Milwaukeeans are some strong ass bitches, and regardless of how damn cold it gets in the morning, people are up at the bus stop at the crack of dawn- bundled under layers of insulated down and deep-piled fleece. Gloved hands fruitlessly attempt to text friends. Polar winds whip at beanie pom poms. Shop owners spread successive layers of salt over icy sidewalks. In some ways, the city sleeps during this time of year. But in other ways, it’s just as lively. Bars are packed- offering safe havens for frozen hands and livers desperately craving a blackout. Enclosed spaces like Milwaukee’s Public Market or Third Street Hall are packed to the gills. And on those rare sunny days with highs above 35- the city comes alive. On one such day in February, it almost felt like summer with how busy the sidewalks were with joggers, bikers, and families out for a stroll. One thing I’ve learned about Milwaukee is that although the winters can be tough bitches, Milwaukeeans are, undoubtedly, tougher bitches. Below, you’ll see a gallery of photos showing this stark beauty, followed by the radical transformation that this city makes once summer rolls around- and I promise you won’t wanna miss it! (Lol I sound like a used car salesperson. Or like someone on QVC trying to sell you some cheap plated silver necklaces like they’re the goddamn Hope Diamond at 3 AM on a public access channel. But seriously. Please keep reading).

Milwaukee- February 2026

Ahhhh- did you enjoy that? People talk a lot of shit about winter but the older I get the more I have love for it. Ok but let’s be so real- winter is great and all, but she sure as hell ain’t SUMMER. Now if you thought Milwaukee looked cool in February, hold onto your uvula because June will GAG YA. In a good way, not like a I’m-actually-choking-please-help-me way. So I was in Reno from about early April to early June and once I got back to Milwaukee it truly felt like a brand new bitch. It feels like a giant can of the most vibrant green paint exploded over the whole region, drenching hillsides in lush, deep emerald hues. A symphony of nature awaits at every corner- whether it be the jubilant overlapping melodies of songbirds, the steady energetic hum of a million insects, the frantic chittering of squirrels or the serenade of full leaf canopies blowing in the wind. Everything feels electric: turbo charged with the solar energy of longer days and warmer rays. The air itself feels different. Fragrant. Thick. Alive. On occasion powerful thundering storms roll across the landscape, bringing bruised skies, heavy deluges and the cacophonous CRACK of nearby lightning. We all stop to watch nature’s fury roll by from safely within our homes- whether we be a human, bird, or other critter. Oh!! And speaking of which, the wildlife?? Sis. I was not ready. Perched all along rocks through Milwaukee’s waterways you can find little turtles, basking in the warm afternoon sun. Massive, glittering dragonflies and damselflies play amongst the blooming water lilies. Terrifying, feral, prehistoric, bloodthirsty, roving gangs of turkeys prowl the city’s parks and streets, hungering for the taste of human flesh (don’t believe me? Check out the Tosa Turkeys– an especially notorious gang of gobblers terrorizing the city of Wauwatosa). Everyone’s favorite monarch butterflies even make an appearance- their iconic orange and black wings fluttering gracefully through numerous flowering shrubs. Most magical of all are the fireflies. Growing up on the west coast, I never experienced the mesmerizing splendor of experiencing fireflies on a summer night. This June I was finally able to witness it first hand. All I can say is it made me emotional. It’s an almost extraterrestrial beauty: a million sparkling lights of different colors, brightness, and size painting the night sky. Words can’t do it justice. Pictures can’t do it justice. I imagine everyone who has seen it remembers the time they first saw fireflies, because I know I’ll never forget. To my friends who haven’t seen it- COME VISIT BITCH. Like right now (well, not RIGHT right now because I’m not there but like, right now as in mid-late August. I think the fireflies will still be fireflying?? I sure hope so). Although I didn’t get any firefly pics (cause like….you just have to watch em) I hope you enjoy the pics I did take below. Milwaukee is a really special place with so much beauty (natural and manmade). Again I say- come VISIT BITCH.

Oh! And if you’re still wondering why I say Milwaukee is a Gemini? Well obviously that means you don’t know your astrology to which I say read up hoe! But in all honesty- it’s because Milwaukee is multiple cities in one. It’s a city of stark beauty with frozen rivers, resilient residents and arctic winds. It’s a city of thunder, butterflies and perfumed summer air. It contains multitudes, just like us Geminis do. Some people say Geminis are crazy (correct), gregarious (correct) and two-faced (extremely incorrect) and I think that’s a pretty accurate assessment for Milwaukee. In summary: I’m grateful to be alive. I’m grateful to be a Gemini (heeyyyyyyy fellow Geminis!) I’m grateful to be able to experience Milwaukee in all of its phases. And I’m happy to be able to share them with you.

Milwaukee- June 2026