Tag: architecture

• Reno: My Heart. My Soul. My Trauma. My Hole.

  Oh, Reno: you sun-kissed, rough-edged siren of the Sierra. The tawdry fiberglass glitter of your casinos. The folds of your foothills half clad in snow. The patchwork of fast food signs, car dealerships, medspas, dispensaries, cash advancement scams and churches along your thoroughfares. The Truckee River: both a silvery stampede threatening to jump it’s banks in December and an anemic, sluggish ribbon of life in August. The excessively excited exclamations of your neighborhood grocery store’s slot machines when someone “wins” big. The hollow whispers of the desert breeze as it whips through sagebrush and pinions across the ridges. The neon fire of the skies at sunset. Through the years Reno has developed a bit of an infamous reputation but it is so much more than a punchline. While Reno is definitely trash (don’t get it twisted), it’s impossible to ignore the treasure that it also is. I will fight tooth and nail to defend the place that raised me. Reno isn’t a joke- it’s MY joke. Get it right. Or I’ll find you. And come for you. And your hometown. And hey, at least Reno isn’t LaS vEgAs *barfs*.

  When you move away from somewhere, it becomes frozen in memory. An old photo on someone’s Facebook page. A dusty polaroid in your car’s glovebox. A petroglyph on an exposed rock face. It can be jarring to return to see that, despite what your brain tells you, places change when you’re not looking. It’s kinda like we never truly develop object permanence. I try and come back to Reno every year because A: family, duh, B: friends, duh, and C: I never want Reno to be something to me that’s not real. Although I never (at least at this point in my life) want to move back, I also never want to forget this place. It means way too much to me. Returning this year has felt especially jarring in some ways. I learned that an old childhood friend (and my first crush) committed suicide. Which, can I be honest, has me really shook. It’s horribly depressing. I hadn’t talked to them in decades, but there’s a part of my brain still combing back through memories trying to look for the signs. For any sign. But when thinking about it, it’s similar to the small things that change when you’re gone. Trees die and get cut down. Buildings fall vacant and get repaired or demolished- replaced with something shiny and new. Loved ones leave, taking memories with them. New people arrive, waiting to make their own memories. Things change: it’s an inevitability of life. That doesn’t make it any less painful, or confusing, or frustrating, or beautiful. When you return home after so long, it’s inevitable to see ghosts. The club you used to get drunk at and dance on the club manager’s car in a strip mall next to an aquarium parts supply store (ok that was me at Tronix- which will definitely be getting a mention later) has permanently closed. Your childhood home has a new color and a different yard. The desert you wandered in as a kid, marvelling at the arroyos carved by runoff is now another copy and paste subdivision (this one called Ridgeline at Caramella Ranch- can you think of something more suburban and waspy???). Anyways- I think what I mean to say is these annual pilgrimages back to the homeland for me are cathartic. And regardless of how much time has passed and how much of the world I’ve seen, Reno will always and forever be my #1 dom top daddy. I mean, how can it not be?? For god sakes there’s a demonically possessed, carnival themed casino downtown called Circus Circus with a giant, terrifying lit up clown sign where one can black out on Vodka red bulls and buy airbrushed shirts on a Tuesday afternoon. How does one compare to that??? Anyways, I wanted to dedicate this post to the place who made me, the people who made me, and where I will always be rooted to.

  Founded in the 1850’s as nothing more than a stopping point on the Truckee River, Reno grew super slowly when compared to neighboring boomtowns (for example in the 1870’s neighboring skank ass Virginia City (of the Comstock Lode fame) had 25,000 residents while Reno wouldn’t hit that mark until World War Two- 70 years later). That being said, Reno was truly a bitch with longevity, whose position along a vital transportation link to California (just over the mountains and who was experiencing MASSIVE growth) ensured that there were always people coming through.  And come thru they did!! As the 1800s bled into the 1900’s Reno entered its own new era: that of being the divorce capital of the world.

  So just in case you don’t already know- Nevada has long been known for its laissez-faire politics. Some call it the wild west. Some call it libertarianism. Me? I call it fucking unhinged. So back at the turn of the century, Nevada had pretty lax, progressive laws (for the time) regarding divorce. Many places outright wouldn’t let you get divorced. Some places had such extreme requirements for it that many people (especially women) couldn’t file themselves. And in true Nevada fashion, oppression meant an opportunity to profit. In 1931 Nevada loosened these laws even more, meaning that anyone could file as long as they established residency in the state for 6 weeks. So a whole hospitality economy flourished where folks (including a high percentage of women) would travel to Reno, stay there for six weeks, file for divorce and return home. And these folks needed lodging. And entertainment. And booze. And food. And all the other things someone freshly single may need. Reno also reaaaaaally wanted to try and keep people in town bc like, girl no one wanted to stay here. So amenities were built. And things like a beautiful main post office (still around to this day) and the first hotels and all that good stuff. And it (kinda) worked?? Reno grew, albeit slowly. But Reno was reaaaaaally put on the map with the ✨gambling✨of it all.

  1931 really was a landmark year for Nevada. Not only did it loosen the divorce laws, but it legalized gambling in response to the economic flop of the Great Depression. And because people really like to lose all their money in stupid ways, it took off!! As all those divorcees stayed in Reno, they gambled at the city’s new casinos. And lost their money. And then kept losing their money. And then had to stay in town because they couldn’t afford to leave. Honestly, kind of a genius way to achieve growth? Trap people into cycles of poverty so they don’t have any other option? Ahhhh- capitalism. Anyways! Reno did that, and then realized holy shit, we’re bringin’ in a lot of money this way. So then they decided to throw each and every one of their eggs into this tacky, cigarette smoke stained basket. The casinos realllly blossomed in the middle of the 20th century. And the shows?? HONEY. The casinos brought in THEE shows. (Fun fact- my dad moved to Reno because he was a musician who got booked in a lot of these shows. He got to work for people like Cher and Charo and Dionne Warwick. Honestly- so iconic. Shoutout to you dad). Reno was truly Vegas before Vegas was a thing. Vegas was a nasty little mafia pimple on the face of the Mojave Desert when Reno was prancing around in ostrich feathers and rhinestones like the belle of the ball. Now Vegas has graduated to a massive ingrown hair on the back of the Mojave while Reno is….well….living in someone’s basement talking about the good ol’ days. But that’s ok!! Because we still love her. Just not Vegas. Never, EVER love Vegas. Vegas is the shadow realm. If you look into its eyes, it will pounce. It smells fear. And cheap knockoff Armani cologne.

  Ok and now that brings us to Reno’s newest era: the ‘How-the-fuck-do-we-try-and-do-anything-besides-gambling-before-it-all-collapses-and-we’re-reduced-to-Atlantic-City-because-fuck-no-one-wants-to-be-Atlantic-City-not-even-Atlantic-City-wants-to-be-Atlantic-City-please-help-fuck-do-we-give-tax-breaks-to-Tesla-we-should-probably-give-tax-breaks-to-Tesla-that-will-fix-everything’ era. The era of the warehouse. The era of the university’s insatiable growth (like damn does this bitch have a tapeworm or something?) The era of subdivisions named things like Ridgeline at Caramella Ranch. Or Mason Ridge at Bella Vista Ranch. Or The Cliffs at Somersett. Or Lennar at Sendero at Pioneer Meadows (yes these are all real names). Or basically whatever bullshit name they make up to describe the land they destroyed in order to build whatever overpriced, cheap ass housing they’re building. If you can’t tell, I’m only slightly jaded. And duh- we need housing!! But like, can’t it be somewhat inspired? Can’t it actually try and preserve some semblance of a natural ecosystem instead of funneling it all into a culvert? And- god forbid- can’t it be AFFORDABLE? But I’d be stupid to say it’s all bad. This growth has brought in so many amazing new folks with experiences and perspectives that Reno has loooong needed. There’s a ton of new public art which is cool I guess! There’s more bike lanes and protected bus stops and little things that improve quality of life. I just wish that more of all that new money coming in actually went to helping folks here who really need it (like folks living in motels, or on the streets, or who just immigrated here) instead of, I don’t know, continuing to incentivize people like bitch ass Jacobs Entertainment.

  Anyways, I digress. I will always love Reno for what it is, what surrounds it (I mean Lake Tahoe HELLLURRRRR8xawh8NAD??) and the fact that there is truly no other place on earth like it. The trash is what makes Reno the treasure. The beauty is in the pungent cigarette smoke stained 80’s carpeting that is Reno’s floor. The beauty is the abandoned KMart shopping cart alongside the Truckee River- with views of the majestic Sierras in the background. The beauty is in Reno’s cultural legacy like The Misfits or Reno 911 . The beauty is in the deranged ads that only locals will know, like Roller Kingdom or any from piece of shit “lawyer” Joey Gilbert or any of the Brite Glass ads. The beauty is in the way that the cottonwood trees along the river dance in the wind during summer, shedding their signature white (highly allergic) fluff, creating their own layer of August snow. The beauty is in things like this Reddit post for Suzie’s Adult Superstore. I love you and your bright lights, sagebrush, Sierra sunsets, bomb ass Mexican food and lack of last call at the bar.

  I am Reno and Reno is I.

  Reno- January 2026

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  January 1, 2026

  architecture, casino, desert, great basin, high desert, mountains, nature, nevada, photography, reno, travel, western united states

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• Somehow We Made It Through 2025 (Let’s Squeal Like Piglets In Celebration)

  Do you ever have those moments where you think “Why am I here? How did I get here? How did I survive this long? I can’t believe it’s not butter?” Recently, I’ve been asking myself these questions often (especially the last one). If you would have asked teenage Matt where he’d be in 2026, he would’ve answered “dead”. And only slightly jokingly. As a teenager, the thought of being in my 30’s was as foreign a concept as heterosexuality. I honestly never felt like I could see a life for myself beyond the immediate day to day. Teenage angst and short-sightedness? Definitely. Depression? Absolutely. Not having a single fucking clue what I was doing in life and feeling completely out of control? 100%. The older I get (as I’m sure we’d all agree) the more confident I’ve become in myself, and also the more at peace with the uncertainty of the world and lack of control we have in our lives. I think so often the idea of what we think our life should be fights tooth and nail against the reality of the situations we find ourselves in and we beat ourselves up about it mercilessly. And like sis, who has time for that? There’s already an entire government trying to beat you down (unless you’re a cis white man tbh). There’s the media (mainstream, social and whatever the fuck Joe Rogan is) peddling the narrative that you’re not enough. Whether that be beautiful enough. Or fit enough. Or virile enough. Or rich enough. Or whatever the eff it may be. Then you have the fact that we’re all chained to this capitalist system we’ve invested in as a society, forcing us to spend our days making money for others (who, most of the time, are so wealthy they will never have to experience crisis situations in their life) to afford a roof over our heads, and health insurance, and (god forbid) some tomfoolery. We got enough going on, shit! And I’m not saying this to say that “oh, you just shouldn’t doubt yourself because you don’t have the time to waste”. Instead I’m saying the opposite- the system is designed for you to doubt yourself. Instead, we have to support each other. Inject kindness and supportiveness and empathy into your daily interactions with people, whether you know them or not. Give folks a nod when you walk by. Shake your ass in the street. Spit on a Nazi’s face. Ya know, the little things that keep this threadbare societal fabric somewhat held together.

  Speaking of barely clinging to sanity- have y’all ever watched the show Passions? It’s a late 1990’s TV soap that is absolutely deranged and campy and features witchcraft and Princess Diana and a talking doll and drug cartels and identical twins and a prom boat that gets sunk by this white bread teenager named Charity who gets evil powers from a pendant and shoots lightning bolts out of her hands. (Here– please watch this blessed media so you have it as a reference forever in your life. It’s absolutely incredible.) Anyways, I bring up Passions not only because it is pure, unadulterated, campy chaotic fun but also because each season lasts like, 100 episodes and it helps me feel like the runaway, exponentially accelerating speed of life and the universe gets slowed down just a teensy bit. Typically like 10-15 episodes will take place over the span of three days, repeating the same absurd events repeatedly and then referencing them multiple times in flashbacks. In the Passions universe, time has no meaning. It stretches and contracts like water in the cracks of pavement as it freezes and thaws, gradually prying apart the foundational blocks of reality like one massive early 2000’s Nyquil fever dream. As you watch it, it’s like staring into the abyss. Into the void. And the void always looks back at you. Sometimes in the dead of night, I can hear its penny whistle theme song quietly whispering to me. Telling me to go into the living room and turn on the TV and watch season 2 episode 256. Oftentimes I indulge. If I hesitate or fight its siren call, it yells at me in a long-dead language. It’s been my happy place this winter break.

  So obbbbbviously I’m doing great right? Teehee! *twitches*. But wow- 2025- what a year am I right? I remember wondering in January how the fuck we would get through this year. Somehow we made it, and I’m still not really sure how. So much has happened. Both in the world (mostly terrible) and in our own personal spheres (hopefully mostly not terrible?) Friends got married. Friends split up. People moved (including me!!!). People graduated, and gave birth, and discovered they were pregnant, and went to rehab, and bought houses, and bought bars, and fell in love, and fell out of love, and got pets, and started new jobs, and left jobs, and went on vacations, and started art projects, and baked delicious foods, and baked not delicious foods too. We watched sunsets in all kinds of places. We watched the seasons change- from rain to sun to wind to snow and back again. We watched the stars. We watched plants, and pets, and relatives grow. We may have had loved ones leave us. We’ve all been marked in some way, shape or form. To help make sense of it all, my favorite way of marking the passage of time this year (at least since moving to Milwaukee) has been the squirrels. My desk in my room looks right out onto some large trees and power wires which make the sickest jungle gym/parkour location for the neighborhood squirrels. In summer, lil baby guys would hang out in the shade in the heat of day. During autumn, they were absolutely wilding out- chasing each other and gorging on nuts. As winter’s cold blanket descended, the squirrels were still out but not nearly as frequently. When they did brave the elements, they’d oftentimes be hunkered down against the cold like adorable, tiny babushkas in the Siberian tundra. I found myself relating to these lil critters so much this year. To the squirrels out there reading this blog- I dedicate this post to you (I know there are dozens of you!)

  Most of all- I’m thankful. Thankful for this blog giving me necessary space to process my feelings, share my photography and voice my intrusive thoughts. I’m thankful for this world we live in- through all of the pain and suffering we as humans create for ourselves, this planet continues to shine with the bounty of its unpredictable beauty. And I’m eternally grateful for it all. Finally, I’m thankful for, well, YOU! My friends, family, and MORTAL BLOOD ENEMIES. You’ve kept me both grounded (in sanity) and afloat (in motivation). You’ve been there with me as I opened a more genuine window into the inner workings of how my two rabid brain cells work (and not had me committed?) We got through this fucking crazy year together, and for that I am more grateful than you’ll ever know. Unless you read this far into the blog, then you’ll have a pretty good idea 😎. To wrap up this post (and this year) I want to share some of my favorite photos of Milwaukee cloaked in early winter snow. For all of the hate that winter gets (not totally unwarranted? I mean come on who really likes subzero temperatures for weeks on end) she is so beautiful. Milwaukee is a great canvas to showcase winter’s beauty and I’m grateful to be witness to it. Anyways- before I keep babbling- plz enjoy these photos, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

  Milwaukee- End of Year 2025

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  December 28, 2025

  2025, architecture, life, mental health, midwest, Milwaukee, nature, photography, squirrels, travel, Wisconsin

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• I’m Baaaaaaaack (You Can’t Kill Evil That Easily)- Adventures in Door County.

  Have y’all ever heard of the concept of your twin flame? Basically, it’s this like, goofy doofy pseudo-new-age-Christianish-Cultish concept that you are spiritually perfectly and completely tied to one other person on this planet- i.e. your twin flame. It’s like basically a repackaged version of the age old silliness that humans are one dimensional and have one person on the planet that’s supposed to perfectly complement every facet of who they are. And like before y’all come for me, I’m not dragging monogamy! It works for a lot of people. I’d say it works for most people! But I also think it’s really stupid to put each and every one of your lil’ eggs in one basket and expect that person to be able to be literally everything for you because A) that puts so much pressure on that person, B) we are such unique, complex, stupid creatures with ever evolving needs and C) why wouldn’t you wanna bond with multiple people??! Anywhos, I say all of this to preface that I have, against all odds and my previous ranting, met my twin flame. My flamer comes in the form of Craig- a sassy, 40 year old barista at a local coffee shop here called the Sherman Perk who will, undoubtedly, read your ass to FILTH each and every time you come in. Like a moth to the flame, I am now a regular there. Literally the first time I got coffee there, Craig asked the person in front of me if he’d like a threat of physical violence with his coffee (JOKINGLY of course I think??). Being the lil troll that I am, I asked if I could be threatened with my order of an oat milk latte (of course bc gay hello). Not missing a single beat, Craig looked me up and down and said ‘honey I don’t need to life’s already beat you down’. And from that point forward, I was smitten. Platonically of course. Craig is lowkey an amazing human tho and we’ve yapped at length every time I’ve gone in since- it’s my new spot to work on schoolwork and stuff when I feel the sanity tendon in my brain snap after working on powerpoints for multiple hours on my laptop in my lil janky home office. His comedic fury keeps me fueled and I just wanted to dedicate this post to him. Craig, if you somehow become literate, get a computer, and get home internet in the next couple weeks and stumble across my blog, this one’s for you (threw in that read for Craig).

  Anyways- HI Y’ALL!! It’s been a minute!!!! I know it’s hard to believe but the end of the semester plus two internships takes up a lot of goddamn time and to be quiiiiIIIIiIite frank, I just haven’t had the blog bug in me the last few weeks. Now don’t get all scared that this is another one of the billion hobbies that my gemini ass immediately tires of- I am COMMITTED to my baby. I think once school things die down next week and mama has more time to marinate in her creative juices the posts will start flowin’ once more. But today, I had a moment to breathe. And catch up. And wanted to connect with you all!!! So I’m gonna rapid fire some fun lil things that have happened in the last month or so:

  • I started an internship with the city’s department of public works which involves engaging w/ a lot of community members to get feedback on transportation projects. Through this work, I met this man Charles (sorry brother- that’s actually his name). Now mister Charles strolled into the venue with his shirt unbuttoned almost down to his belly (Charles was easily in his 60’s) and at first I was like ok slay we love an older man in touch with his diva side! Oh, how innocent I was. Charles then proceeded to try and have my coworker and me help him install Windows 11 on his laptop (bitch I don’t even know how to do that on my own laptop let alone yours like chill). Once his computer was installing the new software, Charles decided to play ball and let us ask him survey questions. Y’all……when I tell you this was the most unhinged conversation I’ve ever had……I’m not even exaggerating. For context- the survey questions were very simple, straightforward questions about commuting habits like “What transit method do you normally take to work or school”? Now Charles…..he decided to exercise lots of shall we say artistic liberty in answering these questions. Within the first 5 minutes he was filling me in on his ESP abilities including telling people their futures and reading auras (he said mine was radiant so- maybe he’s onto something??) When I asked him about his bike riding behavior, he decided to take a hard left and tell me about the time him and his friends were fishing in the woods and found a UFO. I can’t lie- it was kind of amazing. Like if I didn’t have a job to do I kinda would have wanted to board the crazy train and ride it into oblivion but alas. Anyways- pour some out for Charles and his ESP!
  • I fiiiiiiinally watched Megan 2.0. Now keep in mind I was stoned to the bone watching this shit so I was already in a silly mood but my lord this movie just tickled me pink. The Eastern European fembot assassin Amelia??? BIG DIVA ENERGY. Megan’s story arc into being the story’s good guy??? Pulled at my heartstrings. (Also sorry for the spoiler LMAO). The musical numbers? YES. YES. YES. GIVE ME MORE. I want to make it a point to watch this film on multiple different psychedelics to compare experiences and to open my third eye fully and completely. Who’s down to join??
  • My friend Leah (heyyyyy Leah!) made these bomb mothafuckin’ stuffed dates with labneh and cream cheese and mint and fig jam and balsamic reduction and it fully made me do one handed flips and tricks on his dick out of excitement.
  • I’ve learned the magic of Wisconsin winters. And by that I mean I’m freezing my fuckin’ tortellinis off. The high temperature for multiple days this week are in the single digits. Like don’t get me wrong I love the snow and the icicles and christmas lights and holly jollyness of it all (trust there will be some beautiful snow pictures incoming!!) But like my god I’ve felt cold in bodily crevices I didn’t discover in all 32 years of life. And it’s just the beginning! hehehehehehehehe (starts sobbing. Tears freeze to face).
  • I now only communicate via deranged audio messages. If you text me, this is how I will respond to you. So be prepared for that. I just like to be able to convey my “eyes pointing opposite directions Golden Retriever” energy and texting doesn’t do that.
  • OH!!! The most important part I wanted to talk about. Door County! I like mentioned it in the title and everything. Ok Door County deets incoming:

  Door County is a peninsula in northeastern Wisconsin extending into Lake Michigan. It’s long and narrow, with steep rocky coasts (for the most part) and rolling farmland. During the summer it has strong Cape Cod vibes (at least from what I’ve been told) so imagine like, little cutesie water-side towns that you’d see in a Hallmark movie. So anyways, my friend Brook (shoutout Brook mama loves you so much keep being the absolute queen that you are) owns a bar with her bf (theee Scotty) in Jacksonport- which is a small town on the peninsula. Me and my gal pals Gerina and Sam (HI GERINA AND SAM) decided to drive up unannounced and corner her at work and yell at her how much we love her. It was a huge success! We drank, and ate (btw the name of Brook’s bar is Scotty’s Pub and Grub– their appetizers fully turned me OUTTTTT (in a good way) so plz go there if you visit!) I even got to sing Rich Baby Daddy at karaoke with local Jacksonport icon Julie. Don’t tell Julie, but I also twerked on top of her car in the parking lot. Or tell her- I don’t care. I’d honestly be impressed if you found her and told her cause like….that’s some legitimately good PI work?? I won’t give you any more clues besides her name. And that could be wrong too! You’ll never know 😈😈😈😈😈

  Anyways!! Besides parking lot mayhem we also got to explore the peninsula a bit including going to Peninsula State Park where Sam and I met Jason (who we def think was on the DL and maybe trying to flirt with us? But also my gaydar is so broken that honestly it’s beyond repair so take that with a grain of salt). Anyways Jason was walking the largest dog either of us had ever seen (named Hagrid because of course) and Jason filled us in on a little secret of the peninsula- Cana Island. Cana Island is a small, rocky island attached to the mainland with a narrow, low lying spit of sand which disappears at low tide. So of course we went! On the island is a single lighthouse, surrounded by rocky shores and old stone walls. It was kinda creepy, pretty picturesque, and deeeeeefinitely haunted as fuck. It kinda gave Shutter Island vibes if you’ve seen that movie? I mean besides the murder and mystery and Leonardo DiCaprio. Anyways- 10/10 would recommend for the views, the serenity, and the bloodcurdling screams of the damned.

  Besides Jason and ghosts and Scotty’s Pub and Grub we also walked around the little town of Ephraim. It’s exactly what you would imagine a picturesque lakefront village would be- complete with church steeples, a scenic lakefront promenade, and an old school soda fountain. It really gives Hallmark movie, so it wasn’t a huge surprise when one of our wonderful baristas told us that it was in fact the filming location for a Hallmark movie: A Cherry Pie Christmas. It currently has a 6.3 / 10 on IMDB which for a Hallmark movie I imagine is damn near Oscar-worthy. It’s streaming on Pluto TV and Tubi lmao so if you’re feeling really masochistic go ahead and give it a view. Our barista queen even makes an appearance! She told us that she is in a scene wearing a pink puffy jacket in the background of one of the scenes so- keep an eye out for her!

  Ok one final thing before I free y’all from the metaphorical basement I’m holding you hostage in while you read this: there is this rotted, rancid, raggedy bitch named SUZETTE who lives somewhere in Door County and who, for no reason, went out of her way to insult Scotty’s on Facebook because she “thought that their pictures made their food look bad”. First of all Suzette, YOUR pictures make me want to perform a self-induced ice pick lobotomy so let’s not get craaaaaazy now with the judgment. Second of all- don’t you ever EVER come for my friends. So in honor of Suzette’s skank ass, I wanted to end today’s post with a nice old fashioned roast. Feel free to comment any other reads you’d like to give Suzette!!!

  • Suzette- I love your work in Hollywood. Your role as one of the mutants in The Hills Have Eyes was honestly incredible work. The hair and makeup team must’ve loved you too- because none was needed!
  • Suzette sees herself as a queen and queens need crowns. Well- I got a close look at that dental work- Suzette probably needs about 10-15.
  • Suzette is so old and dusty that she started taking Boniva during the Great Depression. And speaking of great depression, that’s what I feel whenever I’m reminded that Suzette probably somehow has a husband and I don’t 😥 (hey- gotta throw in a couple self reads too)
  • Suzette is so old and dusty that her family photobooks are the cave paintings in Lascaux.
  • Suzette is such a trashy, raggedy, geriatric skank that she has the AARP logo tattooed as a tramp stamp.

  Ok I’m done!! Enjoy the photos, enjoy me dragging Suzette for filth, and I hope you are all thriving!!!

  Door County- Fall 2025

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  December 10, 2025

  architecture, Door County, lake michigan, midwest, nature, photography, travel, Wisconsin

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• Fall in Milwaukee is like a warm hug ❤ (soaked in beer)

  Y’allllll mama has had a WEEK lemme tell you. Like, nothing has been objectively bad- let’s just start with that. But you know how people like to people? And by that I mean be exhausting with their people-ness? Well, there’s been lots of that. And it’s not anyone in particular, but just like the collective people-ness of the world. The more I repeat this in my head as I’m writing, the less it makes sense. But let’s just say that I spent almost all day today disassociating in bed watching Housewives and eating pumpkin pie. Maybe my social battery is just a little empty? Maybe it’s the fact that today has been pretty grey in Milwaukee and you know mama is always lacking in D (Vitamin D you pervs Jesus can’t I have a serious talk about my health for once??) Maybe I’m just like a feral hog and my body is powering down as we enter hibernation season (do hogs hibernate? Probably not. In all honesty I just wanted to say I was a hog tbh). Regardless- the pie and Housewives deffo helped, and like a gay, tired, 32-year-old phoenix I have risen from the ashes (aka my bed LMFAO) to write this post. Now before y’all start going ‘OMG Matt hates fall in Milwaukee it’s confirmed burn it all to the ground’ lemme just stop you there (lovingly). While fall may have hit a lil later here than normal (from what I’ve gathered) (thanks climate change– oh wait but it’s totally a hoax right guys??) it has been FANTASTIC. The nights are cold (thank GOD because I run so warm when I sleep it’s honestly disgusting), the days are crisp, the leaves are vibrant AF, the squirrels are going absolutely haywire, there’s a nice lil’ breeze, everyone has set out their spookiest yard decorations, and did I say I’ve officially now gorged myself on pumpkin pie? Fall is officially H E R E (that spells here).

  I always considered myself a summer girlie and while I do love summer, the older I get the more I really appreciate every season for what it is. Fall is the celebration of death, a time of reaping rewards from a productive year, and starting the process of hunkering down for the big cold. Speaking of which- I can’t lie, I’m a lil scared for my first Milwaukee winter. Like I know I’ll be fine, but like what if there’s a polar vortex? What if the heat goes out in every building in the state and it’s -5,000 degrees and the whole ocean freezes? What if after climatologist Jack Hall is largely ignored by U.N. officials when presenting his environmental concerns, his research proves true when a superstorm develops, setting off catastrophic natural disasters throughout the world; trying to get to his son, Sam, who is trapped in New York with his friend Laura and others, Jack and his crew must travel by foot from Philadelphia, braving the elements, to get to Sam before it’s too late???!!! (that was just the plot of the iconic 2004 film The Day After Tomorrow, copied from Google. For anyone who clocked that- NERD. Also as a side note- wouldn’t it be fun to play a drinking game to that movie where any time anyone says ‘anomaly’ you take a shot? Or anytime there’s a scientific and/or plot hole you take a shot? I’d love that. Get blacked out faster than New York City froze over. That just reminded me of this one time me and my friends Shmileana and Shmallen played a drinking game to Cars 2 where we drank every time there was a car on screen and blacked out within like the first 10 minutes of the movie. Come to think of it…..that was when we were snowed in during a winter storm in Seattle. OMG am I gonna become an alcoholic this winter??? Maybe even more of a Cars 2 fanatic??? That’s impossible…. I’m already the worlds #1 Cars 2 stan. Well, maybe the world’s second Cars 2 stan because I know how much Shmileana loves that movie (eyyy shout out Shmily if you’re reading this I love you). Anyways, I digress). I can’t even remember what I was talking about before that extended tangent so- hard segway into the next topic!

  It’s been so fun discovering what fall is like in a new part of the world. Like in Seattle I always associated fall with big ass spiders everywhere being annoying as fuck and dry, sunny, beautiful days and the salmon spawning and Lake Union being a complete shitshow for Labor Day weekend. In Reno I always associated fall with hedonism and seeing the Sierra get their first dusting of snow for the season- it was always so nice to see the clouds roll over the tops of the mountains (accompanied by big gusts of wind) and then the next day BOOM! Snow. Oh and the hedonism? It’s Reno and Halloween….do I need to explain any more? So far here are a few of my Milwaukee fall observations:

  • People do NOT fuck around with their yard decorations. Like there are lights, fake (hopefully) giant spider webs, 12-foot blow ups, giant skeleton guys, animatronics, etc. Like the whole works. It’s really crazy.
  • People PARTY here. Like yesterday my friend Shleah (shout out Shleah!) told me that obvs people rage for Halloween- but also the weekend before, the day before Thanksgiving, the day after Thanksgiving, the day after Christmas, Labor Day, Election Day, the 2nd Wednesday of each month, every Thursday, extra hard every weekend, the first, third, and last Tuesday of each month, every time there’s a Packers, Brewers, Bucks, or any other sports team’s game, every day before and after any of those aforementioned sports team’s games, and the 17th. Much of that was a lie (yeah Shleah sorry I just made up a bunch of shit and said that you said it lol) but some of it is in fact true! That’s for you to figure out when you come visit 😈
  • Doors Open Milwaukee is an annual fall event where a bunch of places around the city open up (usually) inaccessible parts of their buildings for the general public to check out. This year I got to check out the interior of some incredible churches, a row of Frank Lloyd Wright buildings which are in the process of being restored, a former funeral home being converted into an events space (including a trap door in the floor leading to where the bodies were stored- they would LIFT UP full caskets from the basement to the main floor for events and then lower them back down afterwards- fucking metal), a beautiful cemetery (with a greenhouse-esque part of their chapel which was really cool??) a museum dedicated to labor and workers, and a punk art exhibit operating out of the basement of a gallery where you could see a huge variety of vintage band posters and memorabilia while ducking to not run into ductwork (yay being tall)
  • A lot of folks go to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to camp and see the incredible fall colors of the Porkies (aka the Porcupine Mountains). When I heard people talk about going to Porkies the first time I was like omg wait is that a strip club or something?? Needless to say- my Nevada roots showed extra hard.
  • People LOOOOOVE wearing their workwear here this time of year. I’m talking heavy canvas jackets and pants, super thick jeans, Carhartt, Dickies, Levi, etc. I fucking LOVE IT. My fave pair of jeans ever are a pair of Carhartts I got at a thrift store in Reno that I wear religiously and I feel so validated wearing them here. I also bought me a nice heavy canvas jacket myself so I can fit in (and stay warm too I guess) and I feel SO MASC. It’s crazy. Am I a top now? Is that what the midwest has done to me????
  • Not Milwaukee related at all, but I’ve come to the conclusion that Spirit Halloween is the fungus of the retail world. Whenever a store dies and leaves behind it’s rotting, hollow corpse, Spirit moves in to leech nutrients off the decay and sprout a showy, fruiting body. It’s an essential part of the retail life cycle and we must protect it at all costs.
  • Milwaukee has OPOSSUMS.
  • Milwaukee has SKUNKS.
  • Milwaukee has FERAL HOGS (me).
  • The leaves falling here are on another level. Like, imagine an actual sprinkling of leaves raining down on you every time you walk down the street like you’re in a fucking Hallmark movie. The mixture of dense tree canopy and extensive coverage, plus diversity of species plus windy weather has led to conditions where there have been legitimate golden showers every time I’ve been out and about the past few weeks (and I mean the GOLDEN LEAVES- again you pervs Jesus). It’s honestly so beautiful and makes me feel like a fairytale princess every time I leave the house.
  • Milwaukee has an annual mushroom festival in the fall (which of COURSE I am going to tomorrow: I will report back).

  Ok that about sums up my fall experience so far!! With all that being said, I want to leave you with the photographic version of my fall experience here. I hope you enjoy (and if you don’t plz don’t tell me bc I just now have good self esteem in life and don’t want to undo years of therapy and make me question my current SSRI regime so just say they’re all beautiful and stunning and like this post and send me a text with 15 hearts in different colors if that’s possible).

  Sometimes there are these moments in life where everything aligns so perfectly that you can’t help but have a strong emotional reaction. That was me watching the sunrise the other day at Holy Hill. It was cold as hell, but watching the sun slowly come up over the clouds as it illuminated forested ridges and valleys cloaked with morning mist while Minnie Riperton hit her whistle tone in my airpods was one of those moments. I hope as you hear Minnie’s part of this post’s playlist (at timestamp 12:54 and 14:20) and look through the pictures below you feel that same feeling. Also RIP Minnie Riperton- truy an angel on this planet who was taken far, far, far too soon. Ok bye!!

  Milwaukee- Fall 2025

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  October 25, 2025

  architecture, autumn, fall, landscape, Milwaukee, nature, photography, travel, Wisconsin

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• I’m in Milwaukee, Bitch! (It’s like the LMFAO song ‘I’m in Miami Bitch’ but way less douchey and with less cocaine)

  Y’all remember that song, right? I’m in Miami Bitch? That shit was awful. What a deeply, deeply traumatizing era for us all. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this mix more than that. Enjoy the post 🧡

  Did you know that Tom Cruise has sex with fish? I know it sounds crazy (and it is) but hear me out. There are multiple stories over the years and across the world of Mr. Mission Impossible himself buying single, unwrapped fish at the store and…disappearing….with them into the bathroom. Then remerging several minutes later sans fish. Sure, maybe he’s just sucking it’s life force out like a dementor to stay young.  Maybe he plays Mambo Number 5 on his phone and makes the fish lip sync to it in the bathroom mirror. But who are we kidding- we all know what he’s doing. Let’s be real- it’s not even the fish part that’s the worst. It’s the grocery store bathroom part???! Like you’re gonna get your knob slobbed on by a sea bass while Natasha Bedingfield plays over the speakers and the overwhelming smell of dollar store urinal cake slaps you in the face?? Obviously everything about this is absolutely vile but like- what else would we expect from Mr. Tom? Mr. “I’m a 3 foot tall scientologist who was abusive to Katie Holmes and is perpetually oily and probably hooks up with Jon Travolta in between the “alleged” fish in the Trader Joe’s bathroom stall??” As Jasmine Masters says: TRASH. (I would like to make a statement now that this is all ALLEGED and in jest and not serious because I don’t want the Church of Scientology to Shelly Miscavige my ass hehehe plz don’t come for me!)

  Before I get too wrapped up in Tom and his new gillfriend (haha GET IT) I wanna talk about this amazing new city I’ve found myself in- MILWAUKEE! Partially perched above bluffs overlooking Lake Michigan, partially wrapped in an embrace by the Milwaukee River, Milwaukee gets a real bad rap. And honestly, its bullshit (at least from my extensive experience of being here for almost a month (holy shit that’s crazy to say out loud it’s already almost a month???)) This city has such an incredible history and has been through so many eras. Consider Bronzeville, which was the center for Milwaukee’s black population and had a large concentration of jazz clubs back in the first half of the 20th Century (and then promptly razed to make way for freeways and “UrBaN rEnEwAl” projects. God we as white people fucking suck). There’s the brewing legacy, including being the home (over the decades) for several of America’s largest beer brands (think Miller and Pabst). There’s the Harley Davidson of it all?? There’s the huge wave of Polish immigration in the early 1900’s and the creation of the Polish Flat (this was something new I learned! Basically- when Polish immigrants started coming here, they would bring their families to live in the same home, and many Polish families were quite large. They would build a house, and then as more of their family members came, to fit them in the same home they would simply lift up the first floor and build a second floor underneath it. The legacy of this are whole neighborhoods of houses with architecturally distinct first and second floors, as building materials, techniques, etc. were oftentimes quite different between the two times the house would be built). There was the removal of portions of one of Milwaukee’s downtown freeway in the late 90’s and early 2000’s, and the serious push to remove larger segments now (which would be uhmayyyyzing??) This city has been through so much, good and bad. Unfortunately, due to some really shit urban planning practices the city now bears huge scars from its past- physical, economic, and metaphorical. Racial segregation is extreme. The city’s budget is anemic, population growth is negative, and the city’s public school system is in shambles. That being said, I have never felt more inspired by a city’s residents. Everyone I have met from here is so proud to be a Milwaukeean, and I can see why. This place is resilient as fuck. There are so many amazing ideas that are ACTUALLY BEING ACTED UPON that are giving people hope. There are bowling alleys! Everywhere! (what else do you need?) I know I’ve just barely stuck my proverbial toes in the proverbial waters of this place, but honey let me tell you the proverbial water feels proverbially great because I’m so proverbially ready to proverbially dive in. That being said- ask me in March if I feel the same way. If I’m still alive, and not frozen and stuck to the sidewalk outside my apartment like Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining. I just might be.

  I’m also so inspired by the architecture and the nature here. When you think of Milwaukee, the first thing that comes to your mind probably isn’t amazing public green spaces, but lemme tell you, they abound. Running through the north side of town is the Milwaukee River Greenway, a network of parks connected by open natural space along the river. There is so much wildlife, including your run of the mill squirrels, chipmunks, robins and crows. But there’s fish aplenty (including a bunch of folks who are out there fishing on the reg- just keep Tom away 😉). There’s tons of amazing waterfowl, including great blue herons (picture evidence included in gallery below). There are also snapping turtles???!! (I did not personally see one, but a classmate of mine works for the Milwaukee Parks Department and showed me a picture he took of a turtle at the river days before. I now plan on camping out there 24/7 until I find one and bringing it home with me. Just in case y’all didn’t already know- I FUCKING LOVE TURTLES). There’s so much amazing fungi, including the most beautiful blankets of bracket fungi covering tree trunks I’ve ever seen (picture also included in gallery below). There are ash trees, and maples, and oaks, and chestnuts, and sycamores. There are flowers aplenty (including beautiful blankets of my new favorite native flower jewelweed, which have the cutest, brightest little orange flowers). And yet there is still so so so much more to explore (which is the fun! I get to learn about all the lil planties that call Southeast Wisconsin home now).

  There’s also the network of beaches along Lake Michigan! My personal fave so far is Atwater Beach- this gorgeous little sandy stretch of happiness at the bottom of some steep bluffs right around the corner from my apartment. When the weather is nice, I’ve been going there to disassociate, smoke some weed and read. It’s much needed right now lemme tell you. In addition, there’s Bradford Beach (think the beach where all the 20-somethings go and blast Sza and Billie Eilish and whatever else is cool right now and play volleyball and chug BuzzBalls and wear their Brat Summer acid green shirts and 90’s sunglasses or whatever the kids do nowadays) and McKinley Park (a stretch of green right along the water bordered by the marina, downtown, and a totally normal, not at all extra AF massive 1870’s gothic water tower. Cause why not right??) It’s awesome having a pseudo-ocean next door that you can pop down to to clear your mind whenever you want to -or whenever the absolute nuthouse bullshit that is every day of 2025 forces you to.

  And the architecture? Honnnneyyyy when I tell you the buildings are building-ing hard here, I mean it. You have so many styles including Gothic, Victorian, Prairie (think Frank Lloyd Wright), Art Deco, Art Nouveau, Italianate, Neoclassical- and that’s just to name a few. A lot of buildings here are built with a beautiful red stone that I never saw used in Seattle; it gives a warmth and richness that must be welcome in the bleak winters. And the best part is that the best is yet to come! Which is crazy, because I’m already coming! (I am so sorry mom and dad please erase this last paragraph from your memory).

  So anyways, I just wanted to provide this preliminary view into this beautiful place because trust, there will be WAY more photos once the fall foliage starts doing its thang. In summary: I’m doing well. Milwaukee’s awesome. Summer here is beautiful. Tom Cruise fucks fish (don’t worry that’s not a video link, just a link to potential receipts).

  P.S- just wanted to revisit the reference to LMFAO. I forgot about them until that song randomly popped in my head. I wish it hadn’t. LMFAO was fucking weird. What a time to be alive. Here’s a reminder of how weird the whole moment was (especially when you remember that they’re nephew and uncle???? So weird). Anyways- BYE!!

  Milwaukee- Summer 2025

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  September 12, 2025

  architecture, comedy, community, great lakes, lake michigan, midwest, Milwaukee, nature, photography, summer, travel, Wisconsin

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• Like A Pioneer Woman, I Crossed the Rockies and Plains for a New Life (in my Honda CRV).

  “Okay, the woman’s ripe mouth and long legs had triggered more than one erotic fantasy inside his head. And yes, he had to erase the lingering memory of her body ensnared with his during that idiotic kiss on the sidewalk outside NYU. He wasn’t making excuses for himself or her. Wasn’t questioning his own instincts. But….
  Christ! Who the hell was he kidding? Everything in him wanted OMEGA Control to come back with incontrovertible evidence that Victoria Talbot was exactly who she claimed to be.
  Striding to the bathroom, he wrenched the faucets with barely controlled savagery and doused his face with ice-cold water. Three minutes later, he rapped on her door.”

  The Shakespearean passage you just read was an excerpt from Merline Lovelace’s novel Double Deception: Codename DANGER- a riveting tale of two special agents (codenamed Rebel and Blade) who are tasked with uncovering and saving a priceless Russian artifact from ruthless bounty hunters, all while dramatically stripping off each other’s clothes in numerous steamy exotic locations (like inside of a historian’s office. No joke). What, you may ask, does this tantalizing and titillating tale of trickery and tits have to do with me moving to Milwaukee? *chuckles* Oh, you sweet sweet summer child. Soon you shall find out.

  I want to start off firstly by saying that I apologize for the lack of posts as of late! I forgot how fucking hard moving is, let alone cross country. There’s so many things to figure out like parking, and utilities, and hanging up photos, and familiarizing yourself with your neighborhood, and unpacking furniture, and trying (and failing) to set up your bidet, and making friends with your hilarious Serbian handyman. All of these things have in fact happened! Rest assured that as I slowly and surely start to get my shit figured out here, a stable posting rhythm will return. But in all honesty- WHO LIKES STABILITY?? NOT ME!! Exemplifying this was the path my friends and I took to get here. It was a chaotic ass multi-leg roadtrip spanning from the Pacific Northwest to the Ohio River and (partially) back again. But I got to share it with some of the most important people in my life (and we didn’t kill each other!) It truly felt like the most magical way to transition between chapters in life, and I’m so grateful for them ❤ Here’s the breakdown in itinerary:

  • Day 1: Seattle to Ennis, Montana. Pit stops at the Columbia Gorge, George (yes there’s a town in Washington called George, so George, Washington. So camp), Spokane, Alberton (small lil’ town in Montana. We love her!), and Butte. Only took about….15 hours more or less? But who’s counting 🙃 Also: shoutout to Anna at the Riverside Motel & Outfitters. They are the kindest human and their motel is so cute!! Anna: I PROMISE I WILL MAIL THE KEYS BACK THAT WE TOOK WITH US. I pinky promise.
  • Day 2: Ennis, Montana to Deadwood, South Dakota. Pit stops in Billings (aka the fucking worst, most cursed patch of Earth in the entire universe), Lame Deer (another small lil’ town in Montana), Ashland (another another small lil’ town in Montana), and Broadus (another another another small lil’ town in Montana). This was the most remote stretch of the trip, but passed through some of the most beautiful countryside. Southeastern Montana is really fucking pretty. Only spent about…10/11 hours in the car?
  • Day 3: Deadwood, South Dakota to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Pit stops in Deadwood (cause duh- its a cool ass town), the mountain with old white guys with fake teeth, the Crazy Horse memorial (which is currently under construction but will be absolutely MASSIVE once completed. Also- the story of the man who started this project is insane??? Korczak Ziolkowski worked on the sculpture for 36 years, many of them by himself, in which he built all of his own facilities. Craziness. For more information about the backstory of the memorial including Crazy Horse himself, check out this page on the memorial’s website.) We also stopped in Wall, South Dakota (the town which you will see advertised literally hundreds of times on Interstate 90) and Badlands National Park. Now- when I tell you that I was fully and completely gooped & gagged by the sheer beauty of this place, that is an understatement. Seeing millions of years of geologic history stretch in front of you in stunning hues of coral, tan and red as storm clouds roll across the distance was a sight I will never forget. Also there were turkeys there???! Absolutely breathtaking- the pictures really do not do it justice).
  • Day 4: Sioux Falls to Milwaukee!!! (airhorn airhorn airhorn). With pit stops in Rochester, Minnesota (more on this later 😈), La Crosse, Wisconsin (featuring a stunning crossing of the Mississippi River) and Madison (also more on THIS later). And finally- MILWAUKEE!!! Lord I cannot tell you how good it felt for all of us (and for my car) to finally get here. Vivi (my 2007 Honda CRV) was a true BEAST and hauled that big ass UHaul like it was nothing across more than 2000 miles. She is a national treasure!! Everyone- wherever you are right now reading this- please say a THANK YOU for Vivi for getting us all here safely.
  • Day 4 Part 2: Ok so we gotta talk about Rochester. While there eating some bomb ass noodz for lunch, my friend accidentally left their bag with like, all of their important documents in the restroom. Which is terrifying! Especially cause they were flying home. The especially shitty part was that we didn’t discover this until we were like….3 hours past Rochester and coming up close to Milwaukee. Luckily they called the Noodz store, confirmed the bag was there, the Noodz employees didn’t steal anything (which is good cause Vivi woulda stomped them) and we made plans to figure out how tf we were gonna get it. Now here comes into play Madison. After brainstorming for like 15 minutes (so so so impressed with us as a group for problem solving so effectively and quickly in some random ass empty gas station) we came up with Attack Plan Alpha (just made that name up now). Here’s how it went: we drive to Madison where we pick up a rental car at the airport. We all drive to Milwaukee, where we pick up the keys to my apartment and unload as much as possible. Then 2 of us take the rental car eaaaaaarly in the morning all the way back to Rochester (3 plus hours one way) to grab the bag and turn around. The other two of us stay behind, finish offloading everything from the UHaul, drop the UHaul off, drive back to Madison to meet up, and then immediately drive to Cincinnati (like 7 hours away). At this point you’re probably like ummmm what Cincinnati?? Hold please, I will get there. After crafting Attack Plan Alpha we executed Attack Plan Alpha quickly and effectively. And by that I mean we did the things listed there ^^^ (it’s just way more fun to call it Attack Plan Alpha).
  • Day 5: Milwaukee to Cincinnati by way of Madison. Ok so now to explain Cincinnati: my friends were already planning to go there after Milwaukee because they have family there. I decided last minute to latch on like a barnacle to a beautiful, sexy whale and join them. Because why tf not?? When else would I ever go to Cincinnasty? The answer is never. Truly, never. BUT! It is an amazing city with really cool architecture! (Gallery linked here.) So! After meeting back up with friends in Madison and making it to Cincinnati it was about…..2:30 AM? But we secured the purse! And got some really good falafel on the way.
  • Day ??????: After spending a few days in Cin City, I left my friends (wahhhh 😭) and drove back to Milwaukee, stopping in and saying hi to my brother and his girlfriend (hi brother and girlfriend!!! They read the blog. Or should I say- they BETTER be reading the blog 🔪). And then the next day I was finally home! I truly felt like that meme of the girl from Arthur with the huge bags under her eyes looking absolutely deranged. This one.

  So- what did we learn on the trip? In short- absolutely nothing. But we had so much fun!! And saw so many stunning areas of the country that really get overlooked. Some standout spots for me were:

  • Driving through the Crow and Northern Cheyenne reservation lands in southeastern Montana. Such a quiet, remote part of the world but filled with so much astounding natural beauty. There was this one segment of US 212 we drove between Lame Deer and Ashland that was especially beautiful with some really incredible geologic formations off the side of the road. And shoutout to the people (and multiple dispensaries) of Ashland, who were so kind to us all!
  • The Black Hills of South Dakota- WOWOWOWOWOWwoahwoahwubzy these were magnificent. The forests. The sheer cliffs. The winding roads through verdant meadows. The dramatic rock outcroppings. The wildflowers. Must return at some point to frolic.
  • Seeing a fox (and narrowly avoiding hitting it with Vivi) outside of Ennis, Montana at like 1 AM.
  • Deadwood- what an awesome town! So much cool architecture. Cons included the number of really weird billboards plastered along Interstate 90 appealing to all of the bikers going to Sturgis saying to not hate Jews?? It was truly bizarre. They were like, comparing how much people like riding their bikes to stopping hate against Jewish people. Like what is the connection? Are they there bc they’re assuming that everyone going to Sturgis is a nazi (which, I mean…..is a possibility)? But also like….with the genocide in Gaza nazis are now (kind of) supporting the Zionists? And I know that being Jewish does NOT equal being a Zionist in any way shape or form, but like, what other connection is there?? I dunno- nothing makes fucking sense anymore.
  • The Montana skies. They are captivating, vibrant, and truly massive. No wonder its called Big Sky Country.
  • Badlands National Park- 10/10. Literally ate every single crumb on the plate, vomited them back up and then ate them again. It was truly majestic, and we only saw a tiny fraction of the park. I want to go back one summer and camp there for multiple days and explore. Who’s down to join?
  • Sunset over the plains of South Dakota as a thunderstorm rolled by in the distance. South Dakota is honestly SO underappreciated. What a breathtaking corner of the world.
  • Alberton- just a cute lil’ town tucked away in the mountains of western Montana with an adorable main street with a historic bookstore, a dive bar called Trax (where everyone was super kind to us) and some gorgeous mountain scenery.
  • Rochester- the noodz were good and they didn’t steal my friend’s stuff.
  • Billings, in a bad way. This city is seriously just the dumping ground of everything toxic (literal and figurative) in this country. Not only is it surrounded by several huge oil refineries, it just has an air of evil. It’s cursed. Dark-sided. Heteronormative. If you need more evidence of Billings’ hateful spirit, read my previous blog post from an experience there I had with some other friends in 2024. Seriously I could dedicate an entire second blog post to talking shit about Billings but I won’t because I’m better than that. I’ve been to therapy. I don’t let nasty, petty bitches take up space in my mind anymore. Billings can’t hurt me anymore. BILLINGS ISN’T REAL (wipes away tears).

  If you’ve gotten this far in the post and are still wondering what tf Merline Lovelace’s book has to do with this trip, it has everything to do with it. We found this novel in a little free library in Ennis, almost as if it was sent to us as a divine gift. Merline’s encouraging, arousing passages accompanied us on the long, lonely drives across the plains. Without hearing about how Blade seduced an NYU historian, or how Rebel used to do covert operations in Moscow in a past life and knows fluent Russian, or how the Amber Room in Saint Petersburg is a real thing I don’t think we would have made it. Merline’s words kept us sane, safe, and seduced the whole way to Milwaukee. And to her we say: thank you queen. (Also please do yourself a favor and search Merline Lovelace online: you will get to see pictures of the queen herself and several of her titles. Just incredible).

  Cross County: Rockies, Plains, Midwest- August 2025

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  August 24, 2025

  architecture, Black Hills, Great Plains, Idaho, Milwaukee, Minnesota, Montana, nature, photography, road trip, South Dakota, summer, travel, United States, washington, Wisconsin

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• Vancouver Island- It’s official. We’ve reached max level CUNTINESS.

  Y’allllllLLLLLLLlLLLLllllLLLLLL

  Have you ever seen something so unbelievably cunty that it took your breath away? Like, I’m not talking any regular level of cuntiness. I mean “a bitch stomped on your diaphragm and forced all the air out of your lungs” levels of cunt. I mean “your neck was snapped, car totaled and house leveled by a category 5 cunt storm” levels of cunt. I mean “the Earth’s magnetic poles swapped, leading to a complete degradation of our protective electromagnetic mesosphere leading to the entire planet being blasted with lethal doses of cosmic radiation coupled with a complete reversal in the direction of the mantle’s liquid magma currents causing tectonic mayhem which leads to planetwide earthquakes and an exponential increase in volcanic activity, decimating the entire planet and destroying life as we know it (besides colonies of tube worms and abyssal crustaceans which pull their nutrients from deep sea thermal vents)” LEVELS OF CUNT. Well, honey, strap in your tits because Vancouver Island delivered on EVERY 👏 SINGLE 👏 LEVEL 👏 OF 👏CUNT 👏.

  Vancouver Island really delivered the goods lemme just say. She has beaches. Waterfalls. Waterfalls on beaches. Beaches bordering waterfalls that have their own beaches with their own tiny waterfalls. You think I’m kidding, but they really exist (check photos for reference (ok there’s actually not any photos of this exact thing but don’t be a fucking lame-o just roll with it)). Most of the island’s southwestern coast is a series of rugged valleys and ridges that drop dramatically to sheltered coves surrounded by steep sandstone cliffs. A dense, mystical, primordial-feeling rainforest carpets the countryside: a mossy emerald tapestry. Majestic spruce and cedars jut dramatically skyward from the coastline. In some places sharp volcanic rock outcroppings extend into the turbulent waters of the Salish Sea- creating sheltered tidepools in small parallel faultlines each containing their own micro aquatic ecosystem. It’s a place of minute details so easy to overlook: a colony of mushrooms sprouting from the underside of a rotten log, microscopic hermit crabs meandering through vibrant anemones, a tiny ephemeral wave-fed coastal waterfall cascading down a rocky shoreline. It’s a place that is so removed from day to day life- so serene- that it’s impossible not to feel introspective. Life truly is such a blessing. To be able to experience the world in all of its hermit crab glory is a reminder that long after humans have made our messy ass mark on the world, time will march forward. Waves will continue to erode coastlines. Water will continue to flow downhill. Trees will continue to sprout, and shoot skyward, and fall- sustaining their own new saplings. Nature is cyclical. Nature is eternal. Nature is CUNT.

  In addition to the natural bounty of Vancouver Island, the towns are equally as captivating. Victoria (the capital of British Columbia) is like a Hallmark movie come to life. The downtown looks like a goddamn Hollywood set with it’s turn of the century brick and wood building facades. Craigdarroch Castle rises dramatically from its rocky perch to the east, its copper shingled roof gleaming warmly in the afternoon sun (this place is DEFFFOOOO haunted and I would love to see Demi Lovato go there to sing at the ghosts. Remember when Demi did that? Watch this for a lil refresher in case you didn’t (or just want the reminder hehehehe). Well guess what Demi- Pepperidge Farm remembers. As an aside- can we talk about just how rotted and sinister Pepperidge Farms is? Like, I know the old commercials were supposed to be warm and fuzzy and comforting in the way that Pepperidge Farms would remember the good ol’ times. But I always found it ominous and frankly threatening as fuck. Take for example: “Remember that one time you stole $10 from your mom? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Remember when you cheated on your spouse? Pepperidge Farm remembers. Remember that body you dumped behind the old Smith barn off of County Route 202 the summer of 97? PEPPERIDGE. FARM. REMEMBERS.” It’s giving very Santa Claus “he sees you while you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake”. Or a Furby: Cute in intention, absolutely horrifying in execution. Wow ok, I reaaaally went off on a tangent there. What were we talking about? Let’s see….Furbies….Pepperidge Farms….Demi Lovato singing to ghosts….oh right!! Craigdarroch Castle. So this absolute BEAST of a building was built in the 1890’s by coal baron Robert Dunsmuir. The real gag is that he died while the building was still under construction, so his dumbass never even got to see it completed. Something about that feels so….CORRECT. Karmic justice aside, the building is an architectural wonder with several stone turrets, numerous chimneys of different sizes, stained glass windows, beautiful deep porches and massive arched doorways. It is the real life setting of Clue. And Craigdarroch is only part of the beauty of Victoria’s Rockland neighborhood. Built on top of a prominent hill, the neighborhood features leafy streets with large, beautiful turn of the century houses of a multitude of styles (Tudor, Craftsman, and Victorian to name a few). Right around the corner from the castle is the Government House: the office and official residence of the Lieutenant Governor. Well frankly I don’t give a single fuck about them but what I will say is that the grounds are BYEEEEEWWWWTIFUL. Several acres of lush gardens wrap around the main residence (which was built in 1865 and is a stunning piece of architecture in its own right). The rhododendron gardens in particular were on full display when I visited and let me tell you, the range of colors was staggering. Rhododendrons never disappoint, and these bitches were next level. Rhododendrons are QUITE CUNT. At the end of my wanderings around Victoria I came to the Ross Bay Cemetery. I don’t know how or why I ended up here, but honestly I’m glad I did. I find that cemeteries are such a peaceful place, and sometimes I like to visit just to find solace in a quiet corner of the world and listen to birdsong. There were deer grazing on grass which at first was peaceful until I realized: if deer eat grass taking nutrients from decaying humans, do these deer develop a taste for human meat? Have these deers’ brains been reprogrammed to no longer crave grass but instead the rich, fatty meat of a human’s rump? WILL DEER NOW TURN THE TABLES AND HUNT US?? ARE WE ALL DOOMED TO DIE AT THE HANDS OF BAMBI HERSELF?? Anyways, it was a great way to exhale, walk in silence, and enjoy the peace of a warm May afternoon. Cemeteries are definitely CUNT.

  In addition to Victoria is Port Renfrew, a small coastal community about 2 hours drive west of Victoria on the coastal highway. To get to Port Renfrew is a journey in of itself- the road is single lane in many places, involves hairpin turns around tight, steep mountainous corners, and has many single lane bridges. It’s an absolutely stunning drive with several magnificent vistas overlooking the Salish Sea along the route. Once you get to Port Renfrew, it’s a collection of houses and shops along the main street with view of the Port San Juan inlet. Along this main route is the Pacheedaht Gas Bar- an old school gas station with attendants who fill up your gas for you. Much of Port Renfrew is on land belonging to the Pacheedaht First Nation. Pacheedaht translates to English as “People of the Sea Foam” and considering the stunning, rugged coastal terrain in this area, it makes sense. At the gas bar I met Del, a member of the Pacheedaht. Del and I started chitchatting as one does, and they mentioned this amazing organization they do work with- United for Literacy. Doing some research into them, the organizations history has a pretty dark past (being directly involved in promoting non-Indigenous education and contributing to the colonization of Indigenous communities). That being said, from what I can tell it appears the organization has done a lot of work recognizing and reconciling for its past actions (I am by no means knowledgeable in this subject matter whatsoever so I just want to make that clear). What I can say is that my conversation with Del was really enlightening, and she is passionate about the work her specific program does with United Literacy- namely creating resources for rural First Nations’ communities educating folks on financial literacy (which, let’s be real, in this capitalist system we’ve locked ourselves into is a survival skill). Looking into United for Literacy’s programming across Canada is a really interesting deep dive for anyone interested, and I can say that Del is an absolute gem who put the biggest smile on my face. If you ever find yourself in Port Renfrew, stop by the gas bar and if you meet Del, be sure to say hi and tip her well. So the verdict? Port Renfrew is most absolutely cunt.

  Del aside, perhaps the peak of my Vancouver Island experience was Botany Bay. I had met some folks earlier in the day who kept singing Botany Bay praises and I was like “yeah yeah, sure whatever ya freakz” but lemme tell y’all: the freakz did NOT LIE. Botany Bay lies 3.3 km (that’s about 2 miles for you dumb non-metric using Yankees) to the west of Port Renfrew. After walking down a short hike through a fairy tale forest, one emerges out onto a sunlit cove, ringed by wave beaten volcanic crags forming mesmerizing geometric patterns. In the late afternoon sun, the glistening pools contained within the parallel cracks in the stone shimmered like veins of crystal. Truly STONNIN’. Within each pool lived complex colonies of sea grass, pink marine ‘bushes’ (coral?? idk I didn’t go to school for sea plants), barnacles, limpets, mussels, crabs, minnows, slugs, chitons, anemones and hermit crabs. The HERMIT CRABS. They were so cute 😍😍😍 like I may want to now make it my life goal to buy a huge house just to rip out the entire floor and replace it with a giant pool filled with hermit crabs. I could watch em do crab thangs all day. There was legit one point where I saw like, 10 hermit crabs jump this other one. Although it was some low down, cowardly, dirty, Bad Girls Club style brawling I would be lying if I said I wasn’t thoroughly fucking entertained. Like they were shell stomping this bitch!! I had to leave because the sun was starting to get low in the sky, but trust I could have (and would have) stayed there all day throwing money down on my bets to win (I’m reckless and always cheer for the underdog so I would’ve placed bets on the one baddie holding it down against 10. Shout out to her- what a fucking bad bitch). Hermit crabs are confirmed CUNT.

  OMG and wait how could I forget possibly the cuntiest of all cunts of Vancouver Island??? Perhaps the cuntiest in all the land?!! Let me paint a picture. I stopped off the coast highway at French Beach Provincial Park to hike down to the water and as I round the corner, under a single dramatic beam of sunlight piercing the dense canopy, illuminated dramatically as if blessed from Gaea herself who do I see? THE MOST DIVALICIOUS DIVA OF ALL. THE BADDEST BITCH THIS SIDE OF THE MISSISSIPPI AND THE SECOND BADDEST ON THE OTHER SIDE. HERE TO SLAY ANOTHER BALL. MISS BANANA SLUG HERSELF. I first found her dangling head over tail from a branch pulling the MOST gravity defying moves I’ve ever seen. Gaga diving in for the Superbowl Halftime Show could NEVER compare. Cirque du Soleil WISHES. As I watched, she contorted herself like the legendary ballroom queen that she is: dipping, voguing, strutting, serving face, mug, body, and all in custom-made Mugler. Truly COMMANDING the room. Gracefully slithering down the leaf, she directed her eyestalks toward me, letting me know that she was watching the judging panel just as intently as we were watching her. That kind of thing takes NERVE, and NERVE is what’s needed in ballroom. As I was squatting in the path getting my entire LIFE and cheering her on under my breath, several other hikers walked by. They definitely heard me whisper “you better fucking get it you bad bitch!!” and promptly walked quickly away. Some people will honestly never understand talent, and charisma, and raw star quality when they see it. Poor illiterate straights. What a sad existence. After handing Miss Slug her well deserved trophies (she cleared every category) I continued on my hike. But honestly, my mind has never left her. I hope wherever she is in the world right now (most likely sliding down the runways in Paris, or aboard a yacht in the Maldives, or potentially sipping a bottle of Veuve in a penthouse in Abu Dhabi (not Dubai, eww, that is so passé)) she is thriving and knows what an incredible impact she has made not only on me, but in the world overall. She is the queer art we need to be protecting in the world right now.

  By this point I truly hope that your brain has not completely atrophied from the rot you’ve consumed here today. I can’t stress how enchanting Vancouver Island is. From the architectural smorgasbord of Victoria, to the sunlit pools and shoals of Botany Bay, Vancouver Island is somewhere truy magical in a world that sometimes feels increasingly devoid of wonder. GO I tell you. GO northwestward, to where the Salish Sea meets the sky. Where the towering cedars frame rugged hills of jade. Where according to legend, Miss Banana Slug still struts to this very day, scoring 10s across the board in every category.

  Vancouver Island, Canada- May 2025

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  June 25, 2025

  adventure, architecture, beach, british columbia, canada, forest, gay, hiking, nature, north america, ocean, pacific, pacific northwest, photography, travel, vancouver island, victoria, wildlife

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• British Columbia (Part 1)- aka the only British thing that isn’t complete 🗑️RUBBISH 🗑️

  Yeah- you heard me. Britain is TRASH. RUBBISH. REFUSE. Name another culture whose only “culture” revolves solely around things stolen from others (ok I know, American culture constitutes this as well, but we’re not talking about us now ARE WE). Think about it- the only palatable food in Britain is food imported from cultures of places Britain colonized. Otherwise what is there- blood sausage? VOM 🤢🤮 English Breakfast? Oh you mean the one with beans and black pudding? Yeah, I’ll pass on that. Jellied eels? Suddenly starving to death suddenly sounds pretty amazing! Spotted dick? Never thought I would find a kind of dick I wouldn’t like, yet here we are. Congratulations, Great Britain. You made me hate dick. I hope you’re PROUD OF YOURSELF.

  Oh, and its not just the food. Can we talk about the monarchy?? Like my god, you know things are rough when Prince Harry is considered to be attractive. I’m sorry, but it all just screams Hapsburg chin to me (if you don’t know what I mean by that, please read this v insightful Wikipedia article. And then donate to Wikipedia. I don’t want her to be another casualty of AI 😔) If you’re too lazy to read the article (and I don’t blame you) what I’m trying to say is INBREEDING. Like why on God’s green earth would people still find the “royal family” interesting, aspirational, or exciting? We know they’re trash, it’s only been well documented for *checks notes* 800+ years. Like when I tell you I didn’t shed a single tear when the queen croaked….

  How about the museums? Notice how they’re full of looted things from other places?? And like, ONLY full of things looted from elsewhere? What homegrown British things are museum worthy? What- a ChArLeS dIcKeNs book? ShAkEsPeArE? jAcK tHe RiPpEr?? Thanks, I’d rather throw my 5 pound note into a vat of acid than pay that museum entrance fee.

  I just need someone, anyone to explain to me what makes Great Britain so Great? Can we rename it Mid-Britain? How about East Ireland or South Scotland? Cause let’s be real- those are the two doing the heavy lifting here. We could even do Dwyrain Cymru (which is ‘East Wales’ in the Welsh language). Anything would be preferable. Great Britain peaked at Stonehenge, and since then it’s really just been a slow, sad decline. And this is coming from the AMERICAN (I know damn well what a fucking flaming trash heap the US is- but at least we are entertaining in our downfall). If you’re British and you feel some type of way, get your ass across the pond and come fight me. Or file a complaint here. Before I continue I would like to state that I in no way harbor any actual resentments against the British people. I only rant in jest for entertainment value. For the record: I do find the British monarchy and gastronomy repulsive on a spiritual level- but please do not sue me. I don’t have much.

  *Clears throat* now that I’ve addressed the elephant in the room glares at Great Britain I’d like to move on to the actual STAR of the show- British Columbia.

  What an absolute wonderland British Columbia is. While I only had the pleasure of visiting a small corner of the vast province (it is a mind boggling 364,764 square miles in area- about 4 times the size of Great Britain- how’s THAT for Great?) there was so much climatic, geologic, and biological diversity in that small slice that it felt like I traversed much farther distances. From the lush coastal rainforests of Vancouver Island, to the majestic snow capped peaks of the Canadian Cascades east of Vancouver to the semiarid buttes and mesas of Kamloops- British Columbia truly has it all.

  Forming the backbone of Canada’s 3rd largest metropolitan region and primary Pacific port (Vancouver) is the Fraser River. Outside of the central city, the river valley supports lush farmland and booming exurban bedroom communities. Further east, the valley narrows as the dramatic walls of the Cascades close in gradually, coming to a point at the small town of Hope. Hope is SO CUTE. Besides the adorable name (like teehee HOPE) it is just such a cute little mountain community situated at the confluence of the Fraser and Coquihalla Rivers. The mountains truly dominate the landscape, and make Hope feel like it’s comfortably nestled in the mountains’ bosom (or- to harken back to a former post- it’s big honkers). Like a little babyyyyyy. I just wanna pinch Hope’s cheeks. Outside of town, nature truly reigns supreme. The Coquihalla Canyon snakes eastward with one of British Columbia’s main road routes clinging to its steep slopes providing a vital link to the interior. Coquihalla Canyon is Gorgalina St. James Montezuma Dupree. Heading east, you quickly hit the Great Bear Snow Shed, a covered portion of the roadway designed to keep the region’s THICC ASS winter snowpack off a portion of the road that’s hard to normally plow (it also provides much needed avalanche protection). Shortly thereafter, one summits the highest point on this portion of the road at Coquihalla Summit -where one can see some extremely scenic mountain peaks scraped smooth by glacial activity. The patterns that this glacial scraping left on the rocks is mesmerizing, so much so that I had to be reckless AF and pull off on the side of the freeway to take pictures hehehehehe (yes I was that dumbfuck American that did that whoops!)

  Shortly after this point, the landscape changes drastically and says toodles to the temperate rainforest which painted the western slopes. On the eastern side- sagebrush is KING. After passing several small towns and rural areas, one arrives into perhaps the best-named city of all time- KAMLOOPS. Isn’t it fun to say? kam-LOOPS. KAM-loops. KaMlOoPs. However you decide to say it, it’s a good ass time. My favorite memory of visiting Kamloops was meeting Steve and Cathy (although she prefers Cat). They were a lovely older couple in matching trucker hats and segway scooters who pulled up next to me as I admired the river. Steve proceeded to tell me all about the history of the Coquihalla canyon, while Cat called him out on his bullshit whenever he wasn’t factually correct (I see you Cat you absolute queen. Cat you dropped this 👑). Just as soon as they appeared, they sped off into the night: two twin segway flames dancing across the pavement.

  Exploring the deep alpine canyons and lushly forested ridges of the Cascades around Hope was a truly joyous experience. The Skagit River Canyon was like, the quintessential west coast mountain canyon eyegasm- featuring a rushing, glacially cold river rolling rapidly over large boulders and dislodged tree trunks (you can tell this river is highly variable- she is a Sagittarius I’m calling it now). Rising steeply in the background are the twin snowcapped Silver and Isolillock Peaks, watching over you like two big beautiful bitches. Multiple waterfalls grace the sheer cliffs of this region – the most dramatic being Bridal Veil Falls outside of Chilliwack. When I tell you this waterfall made me FEEL THINGS. I legitimately just stood there and watched the infinite rivulets of water diving dipping and ducking down the cliff face in hypnotic patterns for like, 15 minutes. Not speaking. Not taking pictures (although plenty were taken before and after, trust). Just watching. And listening. And thinking of not a single goddamn thing. Water is really a magical substance. Like, it’s simultaneously the most basic building block of most liquids and life itself, but also somehow the most miraculous, magical and mind-bending thing on the planet. Just….how? (And before some smartass in the comments says “well when two hydrogens and an oxygen love each other very much…” I ALREADY KNOW. I ALREADY WATCHED THAT PORN).

  Heading west, we approach the big, bad, British Columbian bitch herself- Vancouver. With it’s metro occupying the majority of the broad delta of the Fraser River, Vancouver itself occupies a narrow isthmus between English Bay (a small bay on the Pacific) and the Burrard Inlet (a deep inlet/fjord thing that extends east about 20 miles to the city of Coquitlam). Beyond that, the metro area sprawls out with several distinct skylines. Canada is cool in that it has different zoning regulations than the US allowing for dense, tall pockets of skyline in suburban town centers. The center of several Vancouver suburban communities (Surrey, Coquitlam, Brentwood, Burquitlam, and Richmond to name a few) have skylines rivalling larger American city central business districts. It’s great because a lot of transit lines service these town centres (shoutout Vancouver SkyTrain) and they contain large commercial, residential, and civic districts. And the amount of parkland? We staaaaaaaan. Downtown Vancouver itself is pretty cool! It has some real architectural gems- especially the Marine Building (a true art deco standout- like the whole nautical themed entrance to this building is fucking nutzo), the Dominion Building (the bright red and orange coloring is so noteworthy and the partially-domed roof is really cool) and the Sun Tower (no notes- just real cool.) The central branch of the Vancouver Library is garganchhh (short for gargantuan) and was modelled after the Roman Coliseum (kind of weird inspiration for a library but….I guess it’s because you’re brutally fighting illiteracy to the death??) I think the best part of downtown Vancouver is the backdrop of steep, jagged, snowy peaks. It’s a stark backdrop to the urban tapestry of high rises, parks and city infrastructure. 10/10 would recommend no notes like literally so perfect. Perhaps too perfect. *Side eyes suspiciously*

  Now finally- the urban hikez. Wowzerz.org when I tell you Vancouver has some of the most gorgeous urban natural areas this side of the Mississippi I’m only somewhat lying (because, let’s be real, it also has some of the most gorgeous natural areas on the other side of the Mississippi too). You have Lynn Canyon, Capilano Canyon, Cypress Falls, Stanley Park, and so many others. The northern rim of urban development abuts a steep shelf of mountains with several streams cascading down, creating multiple opportunities to see stunning canyons and lush ecosystems right in the middle of town. It’s really a blessing. Vancouver- you have no idea how good you have it. NO *holds up spoon threateningly* IDEA (why did I choose a spoon for my threatening action? Only Jesus knows). This shelf of mountains stretches westward, before terminating at the aptly named Horseshoe Bay- where one can catch multiple ferries to Vancouver Island (which, confusingly, does not contain any of the city of Vancouver. I swear sometimes these bitches just WANT TO confuse us. Don’t ask me who ‘bitches’ is in this scenario- I don’t know. I never know.) And here, my friends, is where I shall end this post. Catch me next time for VANCOUVER ISLAND- including:

  • A huge brawl involving about 10 hermit crabs, in which they jumped one of the crabs Bad Girls Club style
  • A deer which feasted on human flesh and started speaking in tongues
  • The dramatic return of Steve and Cathy (sorry-Cat)
    • (Don’t get mad at me if one of these is an outright lie- you’ll have to read and see which it is hehehehe OR MAYBE ITS MULTIPLE.)

  Now: Enjoy some photos!

  Mainland British Columbia, Canada- May 2025

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  June 4, 2025

  architecture, british columbia, canada, cascades, comedy, kamloops, mountains, nature, pacific northwest, photography, rainforest, travel, vancouver, waterfalls

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• If you don’t fuck with Seattle in the spring, then I 👁️ don’t 🚫🙅fuck 🍆💦with 🤔U🫵🫵🫵

  When something is coming to its end, and you know it’s about to end, it’s so much sweeter, right? Like your last first day of school. Or the final chapter of your favorite book. Or even the last time you know you’re gonna hook up with your high school drama teacher (shit just me? Well, ok. Thanks for making it awkward). Knowing that something is fleeting means that savoring it in the moment is not only preferred, but necessary. It forces us out of the paralysis of procrastination. It makes us question the old faithful self response of “Well, I’ll be able to do that another time”. Like let’s be real- no you won’t, bitch. And really, who’s to blame? Seemingly every second we’re alive we’re burdened with more responsibilities, distractions and tethers. Credit score. Phone bill. Caloric intake. Social media. Destruction of the last shreds of democracy. Ya know, the small things. But- when you KNOW that things are coming to an end, it snaps you out of that. Our lizard brains are reminded that hey, who gives AF if your credit score is in the single digits and no man within a 5 area code radius wants to date you because of it. Because that’s not important! What’s important is going for walks, listening to your neighborhood’s birdsong, and saying yes to those Wednesday afternoon tequila shots with a Double Scorpio™️poppers chaser at Pony (for anyone who doesn’t know, THIS is Pony). Life is short, and (unfortunately very commonly) cruel and random. Balancing paying the rent on time with nuking your liver into oblivion is important. Some might say it’s even the essence of life itself.

  I say all of this to paint the picture of how I’m approaching my final spring in Seattle. While I may not be snorting lines off of gogo boys in the Kroger parking lot (yet 😈) it’s more of a metaphorical 8-ball. For so many years, I feel like my life has been dominated by routine. Wake up, try and shake off the last dregs of sleep, head into work, disassociate for 8 hours, head home, watch Youtube videos until its a suitable hour for sleep, sleep. Writing it out like that it sounds abundantly clear that it might just be chronic depression (luckily she’s an SSRI and therapy girlie now so that is no longer the case hehe) but I think it also highlights an integral part of human nature. As Joni Mitchell/Vanessa Carlton said in the iconic bop Big Yellow Taxi- You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. Well, I refuse to pave paradise any longer. This spring is the spring of JOY. Smelling every single sweet pea blossom I walk by. Stopping and giggling at the goofy ass murder of crows in my neighborhood (like the way they strut around is just SO CUTE like cmon). Laying outside and reading as much as possible, and hopefully meeting every neighborhood dog in the process. Making time for friends (old and new)- something which I admittedly sacrificed for too long in the name of alone time (and as a disclaimer- I am NOT saying that alone time isn’t important. It most definitely is. It truthfully keeps me sane. But, sometimes in retrospect it becomes clear that some of that was just straight up isolation and not self care. It’s hard to know where that line is. Growth I guess?) And luckily, I just so happen to have 2 more months in this stunning little temperately rainforested bubble. Here are some of my favorite memories of Spring 2025 thus far:

  • Seattle has a bunch of cute, quirky, informal sidewalk and pocket gardens throughout the city; one of which is right across the street from the bus stop I wait at daily for my commute. Seemingly every week, new gizmos, gadgets, and gardenias spontaneously appear. This week it might be a hand painted bench with bumblebees flying over a checkerboard background. Next week- an alarm clock with stickers of frogs and butterflies gracing its face. Two months from now: a wrought iron gazebo with trailing roses and delphinium welcoming anyone to take a seat inside and escape from the world. One day as I head to the bus stop, I ran into the architect of it all: Understand. Understand is an icon. Having lived in the neighborhood for several decades, she knows everything there is to know about Capitol Hill. Beyond that, Understand has the MOST interesting life story arc ever. Being both Choctaw and Jewish, Understand grew up in Oklahoma in the Choctaw Nation before moving west. She lived as part of a hippie commune and (luckily) left with her kids before it went full cult. She lived in Harlem (NYC) where she spent time with Donald Faison (yes- the one from Scrubs. I can attest to this as she showed me pics of them together in her apartment. What a LIFE). Moving to Seattle in the 80’s, Understand became a fixture of the Capitol Hill/Minor Park/Squire Park area and has been maintaining this community garden in the same plot of land for decades. She has seen crazy tenants, asshole landlords, obnoxious city bureaucrats come and go. And through it all, she has maintained (and continues to improve) her neighborhood garden. If you ever see her in the neighborhood, please tell her that Matthew (that’s right, she knows the full 2-syllable name 😉) says hi. Below is a cute pic of us when we gardened together for Earth Day!

  

  • My friend Steph and I decided to walk around the UW campus one day when it was especially beautiful to take in the full splendor of the cherry blossoms. For anyone who isn’t aware, UW has one of the best known and most extravagant explosion of cherry blossoms this side of the Mississippi (and second best on the other side- fuck you Washington D.C. Or, the other Washington as I like to call it. It doesn’t matter that it was founded well before Washington State, it’s still a hater and a poser. Come fight me. JK I’m a soft boy I don’t fight teehee). Anyways- as we are walking around taking in the beautiful scenery, we come across the most angelic little baby honey bunny love of our life rabbit just vibing and eating DOWN on some good vinca (reference picture 8 in the gallery below). Steph and I, both with cameras in hand, fully stop in the middle of the walkway and proceed to have like a 10 minute photoshoot of this rabbit. It was unafraid, and knew its angles to a T. Miss bunny ate that photoshoot UP. We legitimately held up foot traffic on the pathway as people stopped to see the rabbit in all its glory. It was just so adorable, and wholesome, and ridiculous that it still brings the biggest smile to my face thinking about it. Thanks for that moment, Steph 🙂
  • So I mentioned this in another post a little while ago, but I ran into one of my neighbors as she was getting rid of some books. I noticed, in her hands, two perfectly good AGATHA CHRISTIE ™️novels. Like, THEE GAY ICON. Move over Cher. Move over Dolly. Move over Oscar Wilde. Cause Agatha is HERE. Getting engrossed in the absolute camp of Murder on the Orient Express while laying in the sun surrounded by fallen cherry blossoms was honestly like, one of my peak Seattle memories (right up there with the tequila shots and poppers). Her plots are so engrossing, layered, and fucking stupid. Like, SO stupid. It’s honestly pure camp and it fills me with giddy joy that I can’t explain. Ugh, I love being gay.
  • I went to 350 Seattle’s Climate Community Night and got to meet so many inspiring individuals here who commit themselves to making their communities (and the world) a better place. I talk about them in the Sunday Slice ™️a lot so if you haven’t already checked that out, please do. You can see the whole grocery deli packaged selection of slices here. It’s monthly, and I’d love to go with any of y’all if you’re in the area and so inclined. Oh also did I mention there’s FREE FOOD?? I am a simple, single celled protozoa that is motivated (sometimes only) by food, so trust and believe I will be there.
  • I got to experience the magic of @miniaturewerewolf (their handle on Instagram) a local artist who makes the most detailed and incredible lil mini dioramas. I got to experience “Heroes Work Here” which is a tribute to the amazing US Postal Service and the fantastic humans who have kept this country’s communication systems running for centuries. Also who doesn’t love octopi??? They are so stinkin’ cute! And kinda threatening? Idk its a fun mix. Anyways, check out the post (and deep dive their account for other really cool projects they’re working on!) here.
  • The ferns unfurled! I know this happens every spring, but watching these beauties slowly unwrap their new leaves is a mesmerizing spectacle. Each frond is so delicately curled, creating beautiful geometry that inspires me to take a photo every time I see one (check out the gallery below if you don’t believe me for some reason). I’m just constantly amazed and awed at the beauty of the world around us. Specifically plants. And rocks. And fungi. And animals. And water. And air. And fire. I guess anything besides people, cause people kinda suck!

  Anyways- I hope this post brought you some joy. Or blinding, white hot rage (either is an acceptable reaction in my book). Or arousal!! Being aroused is pretty cool, but also kinda weird if this post did it? I mean, I guess ferns are pretty sexy but like…..are they THAT sexy? Maybe if you popped some molly they would be. OMG imagine what a fern would feel like on molly?? Probably incredible. OMG or MOSS on molly? Now THAT would be the move.

  ………..

  Ok now I promise that I’m done forrealziez ™️

  I hope you enjoy these photos!!!

  Seattle – May 2025

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  May 22, 2025

  architecture, fern, flowers, nature, pacific-northwest, rainforest, rhododendron, seattle, spring, travel, washington

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• Everyone named Tyler is a messy bitch- and other learnings from Olympia, Greece.

  Growing up, my mom cultivated the most beautiful backyard garden. Come springtime, the long cold and harsh desert air warmed up just enough to finally allow some brave shoots to emerge from their cozy soil-covered winter home. By the time May came around, the backyard would be an explosion of the most vibrant blooms imaginable. Powerful bursts of cobalt flax, radiant saffron California poppies, indigo stalks of salvia and lavender, snow white blankets of candytuft. The scent of lilac clung to light afternoon breezes. For some reason, I’ve been finding myself dreaming a lot recently about this childhood wonderland. It felt like a truly safe space to me. I’m not sure what deeper meaning there may be to my recent dreamland visits (am I feeling unsafe in the current political shitshow? Am I missing my parents? Am I longing for simpler times?) What I can say is that Olympia, Greece in the springtime captures this powerful essence. It’s a potent mixture of nostalgia, peace, a wonder of nature’s beauty and a tinge of mournfulness that I can’t quite put my finger on. Maybe it’s the realization that nothing, no matter how beautiful, truly lasts forever? Regardless, I had to set that scene for you so you can understand how impactful the beauty of Olympia was for me. Now, what we all came for: the TRASH.

  Imagine: you’re an 18 year old Gen Z fuckboy named Tyler. You went to high school in a suburb of Dallas- maybe Plano? (Idk- Plano gives me waspy, suburban, LuluLemon-caramel iced macchiato with 3 and a half Splenda packets-climate change isn’t real energy). Your body is sustained solely off of Monster Energy™️, Tostinos Pizza Rolls and vaping. You work in a Gamestop warehouse part time, live at home, and go out riding with the boys on the weekends (no homo). As a graduation gift, your grandma LuAnn (her backstory coming shortly) decides to give you an amazing gift. The gift of a lifetime, she says. LuAnn is just so proud of you for graduating high school! (even if it involved paying off multiple teachers).

  Before I move on, here’s Luann’s story: born on a ranch 3 hours outside of Odessa, Texas in 1945, LuAnn never had anything handed to her. She knew how to milk cows before grade school. She knew how to ride a horse before she could walk. She could lasso a wildebeest before knowing her ABC’s. Ya know, typical Texas shit. LuAnn was THEE belle of the ball of her high school graduating class of 5, and before you knew it she found a great job working as a secretary at Exxon (don’t @ me ok, I only said she’s a secretary bc the 60s were fucking sexist as shit). She also found herself a man. Meet Rick, an Exxon exec and high roller. Rick drives a Cadillac. Rick smokes cigars. Inside. In the middle of the day. Rick likes bourbon, and ribeye, and segregated schools. Rick goes to church every Sunday (sometimes drunk but we don’t talk about that teeheehee). Rick and LuAnn hit it off and before you know it, LuAnn has a bun in the oven. They move into a BeAuTiFuL house on the outskirts of Dallas in a nice gated community (you know, to keep the “riff raff” out. And by that I mean anyone without a hedge fund, a credit score of 845, or a skin color darker than George Bush Senior.) Their daughter Lisa (I literally googled the most popular girls’ baby name of 1967 and Lisa came up- it feels correct) was just the sweetest little slice of apple pie you ever did meet, and she did great in school! A chip off the old block. Flash forward to 2025: Rick is dead (boating accident on a yacht in the Gulf of Mexico oh how tragique), LuAnn is a golden girl who loves her a nice top with a sensible shoulder pad (and I mean ‘top’ as a blouse, not a man, you pigs) and a big fat ol’ net worth. She also has grandchildren, who she adores!! Sure, they will always be stuck at age 8 in her mind and sure, they may have stolen some of her jewelry to pawn for weed and SURE, mayyyybe they totaled her car after she said they couldn’t drive it, but they will always be her babies. One of these is the aforementioned Tyler. Now that the scene has been adequately set, let’s continue.

  We hop on a bus to go visit this incredible UNESCO world heritage site (the ruins of Olympia, not Plano Texas) and immediately see Tyler laying horizontally across several seats with a plastic bag by his head, glazed over eyes, and a shirt that says ‘Running on Ravioli’. LuAnn, sitting in the row behind him, is NOT amused. As the tour staff checks in with Tyler’s barely animated corpse to make sure he won’t projectile vomit onto the seats, I briefly lock eyes with LuAnn. I see anguish. Embarrassment. And white hot fury. And hell hath no fury like an angry geriatric Texan. It’s the kind of fury cloaked behind a ‘bless your heart’. That shit is lethal. As Tyler mumbles assurances that he is “just a little hungover”, the bus takes off. It’s at this time that a third necessary character is introduced.

  Meet Bud. Bud lives in South Florida. And no, I don’t mean Miami. I mean the Everglades. As in, the GLADE glades. Bud lives off of a dirt road you access by turning right 2 stop signs past the old oak tree. Bud owns a fan boat and regularly goes deep into the swamp to drink beers. By himself. Bud has witnessed, in person, a giant Burmese python and equally giant alligator fighting (at least that’s what he told me. Bud could also be a liar). Bud wears a single gold hoop earring, and a necklace with a shark tooth. For some reason, I am deeply, deeply attracted to Bud. Am I Lana del Rey?

  Now that we’ve met Bud let’s return back to our scene on the bus: as Tyler barely holds on to life, hungover to the point of being comatose, Bud chuckles to himself. As the bus makes turns on the windy road, Tyler’s head rolls weightlessly from side to side. LuAnn looks on, unamused. After what I can only imagine was a hellish 45 minutes for Tyler- we arrive. The site of Ancient Olympia is absolutely breathtaking. Situated amongst rolling forested hills, the ruins of several monumental structures are peppered with large trees, winding pathways, and verdant fields of springtime blossoms. Brilliant pops of scarlet and electric violet contrasted by crumbling stone and marble columns make one feel that type of way I described in the first paragraph. That feeling of wistfulness and nostalgia. Of deep serenity. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and take a whiff whenever I get a news alert from NPR about some new asinine executive order being released. Now imagine at the absolute deepest point of your meditative moment you’re startled awake by the unmistakable sound of retching. You hear it nearby. TYLER. You look around and see LuAnn completely disassociating from reality. Tyler, in his ‘Running on Ravioli’ shirt, has puked off of a bridge. The main bridge. That everyone is on. Right by the entrance.

  To my right- Bud chuckles again, “That guy must’ve had one helluva night”. I can only nod in agreement. And yet to myself I wonder ”do you think Bud knows how badly I want him right now?”

  For the rest of the day Tyler collapses in on himself like a dying star and curls into a compact ball in the back of the bus. LuAnn stays with him (presumably to make sure he’s ok and do any damage control) as her friends at the country club would just LOOOVE to hear about how her grandson was incarcerated in Greece for puking on a UNESCO World Heritage Site. As she furiously dials her friend who works in the US Embassy to avoid an absolute PR nightmare, Tyler vapes.

  In summary, Olympia is an incredible piece of history preserved. It includes the remains of one of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World (The Temple of Zeus), a large arena which was the site of the original Olympic games (attended by folks from alllll around the Mediterranean) and several other culturally significant monuments. The Peloponnese in springtime is indescribably magnificent with it’s prismatic carpet of flora. If you’re named Tyler you will always be known as a messy bitch (and…..do we kinda stan??) LuAnn will always regret her decision to bring along Tyler to Greece (and not that guy she’s been eye balling at the Fort Worth country club sipping Arnold Palmers for the last two months. He does have a wedding ring, but those can always be slipped off, right? 😈) Bud is a beautiful specimen of swamp meat. MY swamp meat. And lastly- maybe I’ll dream tonight of that garden. That most special garden of poppies and lavender.

  Ολυμπία, Ελλάδα (Olympia, Greece)- March 2025

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  May 6, 2025

  archaeology, architecture, europe, greece, history, mediterranean, nature, olympia, peloponnese, spring, travel, tyler

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