La Vida Veeta

I’ve had the most incredible mornings the last few days. So incredible, in fact, that I need to tell you all a little story about it. So- my apartment is on the third floor of my building in the corner, with my bedroom having windows facing out on two sides. Out one window I look out onto a small alley beyond which lie the backyards of several homes. The other window faces directly out onto a narrow alley, on the other side of which is another apartment building. As it’s been quite warm lately (and because I run hot like a wildebeest in heat while I sleep) I’ve had both windows open to get a nice draft. For the past three days at 6:30 AM, someone’s alarm clock has been going off. Loudly. And whoever’s clock it is must either be hearing impaired, suffer daily comas, be an absolute sadist, or some combination of all three. Now- although the alarm has been loud, it HASN’T been what’s been waking me up. Accompanying this alarm are the livid screams of a neighbor who obviously has NOT been sleeping through the alarm. Now understandably, this neighbor is pissed. And the first day, I was pissed too! But what made this whole scene so beautiful was that Angry Neighbor’s yells became more unhinged each day. The first day it was things like “WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WAKE THE FUCK UP!” the second day my choice threat was “I HOPE THAT ALARM IS THE LAST THING YOU EVER HEAR FUCKFACE!” and by the third day, they were just screeching their own version of the alarm noise. “BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.” Now- by the second day I was already deeply entertained at just how angry (and creative) the neighbor’s screams had become, and by the third day I was audibly laughing. Not loudly of course (I mean- imagine if the neighbor heard me and somehow found out which unit I live in -can you say death wish?!) I wondered if this would become my new normal- each morning being pulled gently from the warm embrace of sleep by the duet of the alarm’s steady rhythm and my neighbor’s soprano caterwauling. But NOOOOO. Property management HAD to get involved and sent out a message to everyone about it, kindly telling us all to remember that if we don’t shut the fuck up between the hours of 10 PM and 8 AM we’ll get in trouble. And- it must have worked? There was hardly a scream, threat, or BEEP! this morning. While it’s true that I was able to get amazing sleep and woke refreshed, I felt sad. Unsatisfied. Empty. It’s true that you don’t truly know what you have until it’s gone. And that includes my beautiful morning serenades. Thank you, my two mystery neighbors, for giving me some cherished morsels of wholesome chaos.

Now you (and my 13 pro bono therapists on speed dial) might ask: as someone who loves and thrives on chaos, how do you not simply descend into insanity? First I ask you: are you not even somewhat curious as to how I have 13 pro bono therapists? Not even a little bit? Well it’s cause I’m bangin’ em. Each and every one (we call that pro boner in the industry.) But back to the point: NATURE. Making sure to spend lots and lots of time in the big beautiful outdoors helps me keep my lid on tight. Cause otherwise, well, the pot would be absolutely boilin’ over each and every day. I mean, I guess the Lexapro helps too but ya know, ✨balance✨. I knew when moving to Wisconsin that the Midwestern nature would be much different than the kind I was used to. There’d be fewer mountains, more humidity, more plains, and ticks (yay). What I didn’t know was just how much amazing natural scenery there is here. I think the phrase “hidden gem” is so overused that it makes me uncontrollably vomit in rage whenever I read it. But now that I’ve had a chance to clean the aforementioned rage vomit off of my computer and continue typing, I can say that IT’S TRUE. WISCONSIN HAS A BUNCH OF THEM. AND THEY’RE ALL GEMS. THAT ARE REALLY HIDDEN. In particular, the southwestern corner of the state has a concentration of unique geological and ecological marvels that I truly didn’t know about until moving here. They call this area: The Driftless Area. It sounds like a Stephen King book, am I right? Maybe one where the protagonist is a teenager in 1980’s Derry, Maine who lives in an apartment building with his abusive parents that yell at each other like my neighbor does at the alarm clock. Oh, and there’s a sentient evil mime robot alien ghost who’s actually an ancient Cthulu like demon that talks to people in town through 5G and drives them crazy. C’mon- you cannot tell me that doesn’t sound like a legitimate Stephen King plot, right? (Hey Stephen when you write this book cut me my 20% or I’m coming for you bitch). Anyways- the Driftless Area is a real place. And it’s really fucking cool! Read below for an actual informative paragraph about the area (or skip to the one after that for more insanity).

The Driftless Area is a remnant of a pre-Ice Age land. The southwestern corner of Wisconsin, far southeastern Minnesota, northwestern Iowa, and juuuust the adjacent tip of Illinois were never glaciated during the last Ice Age. As a result, when the glaciers retreated, they didn’t pulverize the landscape into a flat, featureless plain. As a result, the Driftless Area is characterized by rolling hills, dissected by steep river valleys, bluffs, rocky cliffs, karst caves, springs, waterfalls, and ridges. The term drift is referencing the clay, silt, gravel, limestone, etc. that is left behind by retreating glaciers and made up of the conglomeration of aforementioned pulverized land. While this drift is extremely fertile and helped create the famously rich soils of the Midwest, it skipped this area (leaving the pre-existing topography intact). It’s really fascinating! Almost like this area is a time capsule of what more of the Midwest may have looked like if glaciation never advanced so far south. Ugh, I just love #GeologyFacts and #ClimateHistory. Some of the most dramatic landscapes are around Baraboo (I know, such an amazing town name) including the steep cliffs around Devils Lake and Mirror Lake. These are all remnants of the pre-glaciated upper Midwest. The area also has a ton of underground rivers, caused by aboveground water which sinks into the earth through fractured bedrock or sinkholes. Because of this, there is an abundance of caves, springs and even *whispers* sinkholes in the area. Needless to say- there’s a lot of really cool rock formations to see, so if you’re a fan of that stuff (or know someone who is) take them here. They’ll have a good time. And then go and buy yourselves some pocket protectors and calculators at the closest Office Depot cause you’re NERDS (it’s ok, so am I. We can calculate together ❤) In addition, there’s the beautiful flora, fauna, and fungi! I’m especially in awe of the incredible variety of showy fungi, including bracket fungus (check out the pics below some of them are absolutely stunning), chicken of the woods, morels, truffles, stinkhorns, ghost pipes, bog bells, polypores, and so so so many more. And I promise those are all real names of fungi that grow here, I didn’t make any of them up. Pinky promise. Ok what about dead man’s fingers- guess if that’s a fungus that grows in Wisconsin or something I just made up. If you guess right I’ll….I dunno….give you a pat on the back next time I see you? Beyond the fungus is the foliage. It being fall already (I know, crazy right??) the trees are just now starting to turn here and let me tell you, I am NOT READY for the full show (more photo galleries to come). But even now, there’s a stunning variety of reds, oranges and yellows peppering the forests. With Wisconsin deciduous forests being so species diverse, it creates a beautifully complex array of fall hues that we don’t really get out west. You have your ashes, and birches, and maples, and oaks, and hemlock, and elms (if you’re lucky..), and chestnuts, and walnuts, and box elders, and hackberries, and beeches, and poplars, and redbud, and willow, and hazelnut, and so. much. more. Needless to say, I will be that obnoxious bitch taking 15,000 photos and staring at the pretty trees with a grin on my face and not a single thought in my brain come mid-October. So- get ready for those pictures 🍂🍁🍂🍁🍤

Ok now back to the crazy!!! Remember how earlier I was saying I really enjoy being adjacent to chaos? Well, my Youtube algorithm must know me really well, because it recently suggested a video of someone playing Grand Theft Auto 4 but the speed of NPC car traffic was multiplied by 999,999,999. So basically, cars are flying by at impossible speeds, hitting buildings, exploding, shooting off into the sky, and destroying everything around you every second. I cannot stop watching them and giggling uncontrollably. AND THERE’S A WHOLE YOUTUBE COMMUNITY DEDICATED TO VIDEOS LIKE IT. AND OTHER STUPID GRAND THEFT AUTO NPC TRAFFIC MAYHEM. Check this one out for starters. This one is also one of my favorites. In particular, I found this one to be a really great video to fall asleep to on those nights where my mind just can’t turn off. Honestly, do whatever you gotta do in today’s economy to get that shuteye. Cause you never know when one of your neighbors might start serenading you awake ❤✨💫🌸

Driftless Area- Summer & Fall 2025